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Band 6

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
It is true that these days
people
 do not have a feeling of safety whether they are in their own house or when they are in public places or in the street.
While
 the causes of
this
 problem can be identified, I believe that some solutions could help to lessen
such
 fear. The perception that society is unsafe and
people
 are at risk even at home stems from at least two reasons. One of the major causes is probably the huge gap between the rich and the poor in a community which leads to the rising crime rate.
For instance
, burglary and robbery have become increasingly common in Vietnam
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 even offenders steal and rob properties from others as their “job” or livelihood. Another reason might be the dangerous situations
people
 encounter on the street from careless drivers or traffic jams. Unfortunately, severe accidents could happen with
people
 who obey traffic rules well. In many recent news reports, hundreds of car incidents were caused by those who totally get drunk or at high speed, and sadly the victims are innocent good citizens. Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these root causes of insecurity.
Firstly
, authorities not only take responsibility for educating and improving residents’ awareness of crimes but
also
 invest in providing
people
 with job training courses.
As a result
,
people
 could have a chance to be well-educated and escape from poverty.
Finally
, they have no reason to take things from others to make a living.
Furthermore
, CCTV should be fully equipped in every corner of big cities and towns in order to track bad-behaved and illegal users on the roads.
As a consequence
, many city dwellers might feel safer when they are out in public areas with security video cameras
surroundings
Correct your spelling
surrounding
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 make sure all happenings are
records
Replace the word
recorded
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time
Change preposition
from time
show examples
 to time. In conclusion, the problem of poverty as a cause of crimes and the problem of road safety can be tackled by effective solutions, giving
people
 a greater sense of security.
Submitted by leanhhaohust on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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