IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
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It is true that these days
people
Use synonyms
 do not have a feeling of safety whether they are in their own house or when they are in public places or in the street.
While
Linking Words
 the causes of
this
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 problem can be identified, I believe that some solutions could help to lessen
such
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 fear. The perception that society is unsafe and
people
Use synonyms
 are at risk even at home stems from at least two reasons. One of the major causes is probably the huge gap between the rich and the poor in a community which leads to the rising crime rate.
For instance
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, burglary and robbery have become increasingly common in Vietnam
or
Correct word choice
and
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 even offenders steal and rob properties from others as their “job” or livelihood. Another reason might be the dangerous situations
people
Use synonyms
 encounter on the street from careless drivers or traffic jams. Unfortunately, severe accidents could happen with
people
Use synonyms
 who obey traffic rules well. In many recent news reports, hundreds of car incidents were caused by those who totally get drunk or at high speed, and sadly the victims are innocent good citizens. Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these root causes of insecurity.
Firstly
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, authorities not only take responsibility for educating and improving residents’ awareness of crimes but
also
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 invest in providing
people
Use synonyms
 with job training courses.
As a result
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,
people
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 could have a chance to be well-educated and escape from poverty.
Finally
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, they have no reason to take things from others to make a living.
Furthermore
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, CCTV should be fully equipped in every corner of big cities and towns in order to track bad-behaved and illegal users on the roads.
As a consequence
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, many city dwellers might feel safer when they are out in public areas with security video cameras
surroundings
Correct your spelling
surrounding
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 make sure all happenings are
records
Replace the word
recorded
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time
Change preposition
from time
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 to time. In conclusion, the problem of poverty as a cause of crimes and the problem of road safety can be tackled by effective solutions, giving
people
Use synonyms
 a greater sense of security.
Submitted by leanhhaohust on

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logical structure
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introduction conclusion
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lexical resource
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grammatical range
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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