IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on food and beverages with high level of sugar some think that these taxes are a good idea while other disagree. Discuss both you and give your opinion?

#government #countries #taxes #food #beverages #level #sugar #think #idea
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Frequent consumption of sugary drinks is associated with a range of health problems
such
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 as obesity and vascular issues.
As a result
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, many countries have started imposing
taxes
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 on
sugar
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-sweetened
food
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 and drinks, hoping
this
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 policy will greatly improve public health regardless of disagreements. In my opinion,
although
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 the regulations bring benefits to health, it is not enough to prevent everyone from consuming sweetened
food
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. Those who oppose
such
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 laws point out the limits placed on less affluent
customers
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. When
taxes
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 are imposed on specific productions, it is hoped that
customers
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 will stop buying
such
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 prohibitively expensive
beverage
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beverages
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 and foods.
Consequently
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,
people
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 in lower socioeconomic groups may purchase considerably less of these drinks and
food
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 that were subjected to the
tax
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.
However
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, middle-class and upper-class consumers who do not struggle with a decrease in sugary products
,
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apply
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 will keep buying
such
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 products.
In other words
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, these
taxes
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 will only result in more money for the government's coffers and will not encourage wealthier
people
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 to live a healthier life. Proponents of
sugar
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tax
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 regulations believe that when you introduce a
tax
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 on something, you send a signal to
people
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 that the product is unhealthy. A lot of companies have tapped into a basic human desire for sweets to attract
customers
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 and build their brands and many
customers
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 may not be informed of the risks of
sugar
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 consumption
such
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 as heart disease or diabetes. By making
such
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 sugary products more expensive, these
taxes
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 act as economic disincentives, nudging individuals towards healthier choices and we can eventually break down
people
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's dependence on
sugar
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 to a healthy, moderate level. In conclusion,
although
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sugar
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tax
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 can be a valuable tool in promoting a healthier
food
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 environment, it will not prevent all classes from consuming
sugar
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 and only a small group of
people
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 will avoid buying them
due to
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 a hike in prices.
Submitted by ronakdorrii on

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task response
Your essay is well-organized and addresses the task requirements. However, you can improve it further by including more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow of ideas within paragraphs. While you maintain a logical structure, transitioning between sentences and ideas could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases and linking words to enhance the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly present your position on the topic.
task response
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you discuss both sides of the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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