Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

It's true that the factors to achievement are becoming a common feature. There is a view that hard work and persistence are crucial to accomplishment, while other people believe that
money
and
appearance
are more significant. I support the former. Admittedly, success in life coming from
money
and
appearance
is reasonable to some extent.
To begin
with, it's true that
money
and
appearance
are some shortcuts to success.
For example
, some children born into rich families can facilitate more advanced resources,
such
as elite education quality, living quality and the like.
Furthermore
, they are available to travel abroad to enrich their horizons, giving them adequate opportunities to foster their competence.
However
, others hold that fame depends on hard trial and determination. I totally support
this
view. As an old saying goes, the road to fame mustn't be comfortable and smooth, which is inevitable to meeting all varieties of difficulties, having a higher demand of a person's perseverance and diligence.
Besides
, there is no denying that the majority of outstanding people were born into ordinary families with a plain
appearance
, while they tried their best to endeavour hard day by day and strived for ambitions with a stubborn determination, not fearing trouble ahead. Only in
this
way can we manage to succeed in what we have been dreaming of,
although
the time is full of sweat and tears. In conclusion,
although
some people hold that
money
and
appearance
are more important, I am still convinced that hard work and determination are the key point to success.
Submitted by lzy2564739 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: