IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers.Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice

#people #women #chances #work #careers #role #care #house #children #support #choice
Every
Person
Fix capitalization
person
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 has to be treated equally and given the same amount of opportunity regardless of race, gender and status.
Limit
Wrong verb form
Limiting
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 people to a certain type of duty
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 just cruel,but
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
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 serious economic problems as well.
Thus
i
Change the capitalization
I
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convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
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 that
women
 should have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to pursue their dreams to
fullest
Correct pronoun usage
their fullest
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 potential .
First
 of all, limiting
women
 to only
house
 jobs is cruel and its
also
 stripped woman of their freedom.
For example
,forcing
women
 to work only in the
house
 will
Change the verb form
be made
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made
Change the form of the verb
make
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 the
women
 financially
depend
Replace the word
dependent
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 on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 husbands,
thus
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
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her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 freedom.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 forcing someone to do
only
Add an article
an only
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 certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
jobs
Add a comma
,jobs
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 it's considered inhumane. What if
that
Change the determiner
that woman
those women
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women
 didn't like the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 of
house care
Correct your spelling
housecare
show examples
, but she was forced to do it because of her gender. That's why in my opinion
this
 action is cruel and inhumane.
In addition
, The economic problem will be enormous if
women
Change noun form
women's
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 role were only permitted to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 care of the
house
.
For instance
, imagine if half of the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 population doesn't have income and
only
Correct article usage
the only
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 skill
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 provide was
house
 taking. The country would have only limited workforces, very few portions of
Correct article usage
the populations
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populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 that were paying taxes and at
last
 almost half of the population that the governments needed to support.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
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limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
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 the roles of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
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women
 was never
the
Correct article usage
a
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 reasonable decision. In conclusion,
As
Correct word choice
apply
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we
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have seen
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 the downside of restricting
women
Change noun form
women's
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 roles in society both moral and economic.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 the idea of forcing
a roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
roles
a role
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to
Change preposition
on
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a specific genders
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific gender
specific genders
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unacceptable. Luckily, as we have progressed toward
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 were starting to
faded
Change the verb
fade
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 away ,
thus
 I believed that sooner or later we will be able to
created
Change the verb
create
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 society where an opportunity
were
Change the verb form
was
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 given equally.
Submitted by punthegod on

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