IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers.Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice

#people #women #chances #work #careers #role #care #house #children #support #choice
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Every
Person
Fix capitalization
person
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 has to be treated equally and given the same amount of opportunity regardless of race, gender and status.
Limit
Wrong verb form
Limiting
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 people to a certain type of duty
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 just cruel,but
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
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 serious economic problems as well.
Thus
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
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convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
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 that
women
Use synonyms
 should have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to pursue their dreams to
fullest
Correct pronoun usage
their fullest
show examples
 potential .
First
Linking Words
 of all, limiting
women
Use synonyms
 to only
house
Use synonyms
 jobs is cruel and its
also
Linking Words
 stripped woman of their freedom.
For example
Linking Words
,forcing
women
Use synonyms
 to work only in the
house
Use synonyms
 will
Change the verb form
be made
show examples
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 the
women
Use synonyms
 financially
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 husbands,
thus
Linking Words
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
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her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 freedom.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 forcing someone to do
only
Add an article
an only
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 certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
jobs
Add a comma
,jobs
show examples
 it's considered inhumane. What if
that
Change the determiner
that woman
those women
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 didn't like the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
house care
Correct your spelling
housecare
show examples
, but she was forced to do it because of her gender. That's why in my opinion
this
Linking Words
 action is cruel and inhumane.
In addition
Linking Words
, The economic problem will be enormous if
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
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 role were only permitted to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 care of the
house
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, imagine if half of the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 population doesn't have income and
only
Correct article usage
the only
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 skill
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 provide was
house
Use synonyms
 taking. The country would have only limited workforces, very few portions of
Correct article usage
the populations
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populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 that were paying taxes and at
last
Linking Words
 almost half of the population that the governments needed to support.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
 the roles of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
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women
Use synonyms
 was never
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reasonable decision. In conclusion,
As
Correct word choice
apply
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we
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have seen
show examples
 the downside of restricting
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 roles in society both moral and economic.
This
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the idea of forcing
a roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
roles
a role
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
a specific genders
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific gender
specific genders
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unacceptable. Luckily, as we have progressed toward
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 were starting to
faded
Change the verb
fade
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 away ,
thus
Linking Words
 I believed that sooner or later we will be able to
created
Change the verb
create
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 society where an opportunity
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 given equally.
Submitted by punthegod on

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