Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

There is a huge peril for humankind, which is the number of fat and overweight individuals

Change the verb form

are

show examples

increasing and the

health

system faces

such

a big problem to deal with. Some people think it would be better to put some

sports

lessens on the curriculum of the students to persuade them to do more

sports

in their daily routine. I am going to interpret

this

issue and, in the end, I am going to give my own opinions on examples that I am going to discuss. To start with, there are some solutions for

this

issue.

First

, governments and countries should decrease the cost of gyms and

sports

saloons to encourage everyone in society to do

sports

without thinking of the payment.

, fast foods should get more expensive and unreachable for individuals because of the high proportion of fat and unhealthy stuff in them.

In addition

, fast food should make their sandwiches much smaller for their clients. These are some small solutions to

this

huge menace to humankind.

On the other hand

, every human being should be concerned about their strength by themselves. By reading or watching

health

care programs or books, Of course, governments should advertise and show more

sports

programs on tv.

Furthermore

, they should teach and persuade students to learn and do

sports

at earlier ages for younger people. To explicate it, people are the important responsible source of their

health

and to preserve themselves from

this

danger they should watch out what they eat and do. To sum up, if we watch it from a comprehensive view. The government and

health

care system is doing what is up to them. of course,

this

is the responsibility of the society themselves to be concerned about their well-being.

Submitted by m.akbari1876 on Wed May 18 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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