IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families. Individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
With
Correct word choice
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization
accelerates
Wrong verb form
accelerating
show examples
, cuisine
culture
 commences
to alter
Change the verb form
altering
show examples
 all over the world as well.
As a result
 of
this
 alteration, people have chosen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating habits and fast food
culture
 made a quick entrance into our lives. While the fast-food alternatives offer more time, at the same time, it brings about some negative effects along,
such
 as obesity, mental diseases and many more. From
this
 perspective, it can be defended that junk foods will lead to various
health
 problems for individuals and nations. From the past to nowadays, especially after the industrial revolution, people were forced to change certain behaviours. Due to the participation
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the work-force
show examples
work-force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
and the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work hours,
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 selected the different nutrition alternatives,
however
,
instead
 of traditional foods, food which they are easy to prepare
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 spread more. What is more, nearly, it can be found many fast-food restaurants
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each corner of
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
streets
Fix the agreement mistake
street
show examples
. According to the scientific study conducted by research
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
such
 as Toronto University, it is estimated that
this
 acceleration trend
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 as long as business
culture
 evaluates in the line of more working. On the other side, in spite of all developments, some
health
 concerns rise as well.
For example
, if it is compared to
body-mass
Add an article
the body-mass
a body-mass
show examples
 index of humans between
pre-industrial
Correct article usage
the pre-industrial
show examples
 age and today, an increase of 40% more has emerged. Undoubtedly,
this
 situation precipitates to deteriorate the human
health
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 macro and micro scales.
In other words
, exacerbating the body
health
 as individual means that
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
health
 will be affected up to a degree as a negative consequence, which it can be called as macro level. To recapitulate,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am in favour that
this
 transformation in the field of eating
culture
 will cause a great deal
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by canertiryaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: