IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families. Individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
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With
Correct word choice
As
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalization
accelerates
Wrong verb form
accelerating
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, cuisine
culture
Use synonyms
 commences
to alter
Change the verb form
altering
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 all over the world as well.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 alteration, people have chosen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating habits and fast food
culture
Use synonyms
 made a quick entrance into our lives. While the fast-food alternatives offer more time, at the same time, it brings about some negative effects along,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, mental diseases and many more. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be defended that junk foods will lead to various
health
Use synonyms
 problems for individuals and nations. From the past to nowadays, especially after the industrial revolution, people were forced to change certain behaviours. Due to the participation
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the work-force
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work-force
Correct your spelling
workforce
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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and the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work hours,
persons
Replace the word
people
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 selected the different nutrition alternatives,
however
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of traditional foods, food which they are easy to prepare
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 spread more. What is more, nearly, it can be found many fast-food restaurants
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each corner of
Correct article usage
the streets
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streets
Fix the agreement mistake
street
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. According to the scientific study conducted by research
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as Toronto University, it is estimated that
this
Linking Words
 acceleration trend
continue
Change the verb form
continues
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 as long as business
culture
Use synonyms
 evaluates in the line of more working. On the other side, in spite of all developments, some
health
Use synonyms
 concerns rise as well.
For example
Linking Words
, if it is compared to
body-mass
Add an article
the body-mass
a body-mass
show examples
 index of humans between
pre-industrial
Correct article usage
the pre-industrial
show examples
 age and today, an increase of 40% more has emerged. Undoubtedly,
this
Linking Words
 situation precipitates to deteriorate the human
health
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 macro and micro scales.
In other words
Linking Words
, exacerbating the body
health
Use synonyms
 as individual means that
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 will be affected up to a degree as a negative consequence, which it can be called as macro level. To recapitulate,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am in favour that
this
Linking Words
 transformation in the field of eating
culture
Use synonyms
 will cause a great deal
Use synonyms
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by canertiryaki on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
What to do next:
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