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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Preserving traditional
culture
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 has been a controversial topic for a century, that teenagers should conserve the local custom, contrary, some people consider it as the personal behaviour. In my opinion, I totally agree with the statement that the traditional way of
life
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 deserves to be sustained by the new generation because if the local
culture
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 is not maintained, it will definitely become extinct.
Furthermore
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, the world might lose the diversity of civilization. Nowadays, some customs are scrutinised as
hazardousness
Replace the word
hazardous
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 to
life
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 and the environment,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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 encourages people to behave differently from their
culture
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, as proof, the Indian government legislated several beliefs illegal
such
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 as child marriage.
In addition
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, Some traditions are obsolete because of the
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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 of the procedure.
For instance
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, in Thailand, on the Songkran holiday, bringing sand to the temple is rarely seen
due to
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 the intricacy of shipping the sand.
Although
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 technological development leads people to access information conveniently, teenagers catch up with worldwide trends more easily but the loss of local
culture
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 should be considered thoroughly,
otherwise
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, the extinction of custom will occur globally.
For example
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, in Japan, the traditional way of
life
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 has disappeared slightly because of the Western inclination
such
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 as the majority of the population does not know how to wear the yukata because of using suits
instead
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, the estimated result is that in the future none of them can wear the national dress.
This
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 circumstance causes civilisation to have less diversity. Conservation is necessary to be conducted properly by the governments to continue the variousness of
life
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. In conclusion, even though being on trend is a crucial thought to live comfortably and reduce unfair situations, it
also
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 has a detrimental impact on the difference between humanity,
therefore
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, keeping a reasonable folkway is considered valuable .

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses both views and gives a clear opinion. Make sure to analyze and discuss the arguments for both perspectives. Additionally, provide a clear stance on the issue and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. Use linking words and transition phrases to connect ideas and create a logical flow of information. Also, ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and summarize key points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
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