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Band 6

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies
The discussion over whether the
responsibility
 for raising a child should rest with mothers or
fathers
 is a concern for many parents. In my opinion,
while
 there may be some challenges, I think it is time for
fathers
 to share the
responsibility
 of raising their
children
. The roles of women in the workplace and men in the home have changed dramatically over the past few decades.
While
 in the past women were mostly homemakers and were responsible for raising
children
, today many women work outside the home
as well as
 men. Over the same period, society has increasingly supported men's greater participation in the household. In response to these changes, I think
fathers
 now have to share the
responsibility
 of raising their
children
 with mothers. Shared
responsibility
 for
children
 can be beneficial to many families. Best of all,
this
 can be a healthy way to deal with the stress of parenting and share the burden. It is
also
 about the mother being able to take on a more active role in her career, and it is about the father feeling fulfilled and happy about his contribution to his family.
Furthermore
, as for
children
, research has shown that
such
 a nurturing environment can foster better cognitive development. Couples,
however
, often face some challenges when sharing the task of raising
children
. One of the challenges is that there are still many prejudiced gender roles in society.
Due to
 social expectations, some
fathers
 have difficulty taking care of their
children
 and some mothers have difficulty delegating work to
fathers
. Another challenge is the need to have more flexible work arrangements so that both parents can have time off when they need to care for their
children
. In conclusion, workplace society has become more gender-equal, so there is a great need to encourage
fathers
 to be involved in
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
. Governments and companies should
also
 be more open and supportive of families who have
this
 initiative.
Submitted by Peter Chan on

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task response
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the issue of shared responsibility for raising children and providing relevant examples to support the argument. Well done!
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, the essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout. Keep up the good work!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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