Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. (Steve no copyright)

Some individuals think that favourable outcome always comes from continuous struggle and self-confidence ,
while
others argue that there is a need to have hard cash and make a personality.
Although
wealth provides the opportunity to establish businesses and have a groomed personality preferred for job applications , I opine that the person's aspiration and single-mindedness are nearer to prolonging prosperity and enhancing learning capabilities. To commence with, the aristocrat has strong personal links and better means which assist him to expand their own property and an ample profit in trading,
as a consequence
promotes other officers for self-employment by saving a large amount of currency.
Furthermore
, in multinational companies, reputable departments demand high-profile staff with a great attitude.
For example
, leading research in America has shown that
the
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well-thought-out organizations shortlist the members on their background status rather than their skills.
In addition
, a number of folks consider that being consistent grants long-lasting abilities , like continuous efforts and failures impart courage to face challenges and results in vast knowledge.
Such
expertise perks up to establish own earning sources if there is no
further
reason to sustain the current position.
Moreover
, a man with all resources could not progress in his whole life until having several inbuilt adroitnesses that's why strong-willed and industrious mainly participate in lifelong rewards. In conclusion, despite the fact that the bankroll pays betterment in the country's economy and fulfils the requirement of the famous corporation, I moot that personal growth and tenacity are powerful tools in terms of gaining.
Submitted by iqrariaz54 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, improving the flow between ideas and ensuring smoother transitions will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, the arguments could be developed further with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen the task response.
task achievement
Avoid using overly complex phrases that can lead to grammatical errors and reduce clarity. Simplifying sentences where necessary can help in making ideas comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, demonstrating good organizational skills.
task achievement
A balanced discussion of both views is presented, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
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