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Band 6

Grandparents take care of the children when their parents are out at work. What are the advantages and possible disadvantages of this?

#grandparents #care #children #parents #work
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There is no doubt that
grandparents
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 have a significant role in looking after their grandchildren. Nowadays, parents leave their
kids
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 with their
grandparents
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 when they go to work, and
although
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this
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 phenomenon has its benefits, like bonding between the
grandparents
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 and the children, it can have a few setbacks,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both of them. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, when
kids
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 spend time with their
grandparents
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 they develop a healthy relationship with them.
For example
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, when children feel that their
grandparents
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 have a significant role in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, they are more likely to feel well-cared for and more loved.
Furthermore
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, parents could save money that way, because
while
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grandparents
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 will take care of their
kids
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 for free, hiring a babysitter would cost them money.
On the other hand
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, there could be drawbacks to
this
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 behaviour.
Firstly
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, older people do not have competent cognitive abilities.
This
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 is because when people get older, their brain function deteriorates,
as a result
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, they could unintentionally put themselves and their grandchildren in danger.
For instance
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, they could set the house on fire by accident.
Second,
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even though the elderly have a special fondness for their grandchildren, they might not have the energy to take care of the special needs of a child at all times. If they needed sleep,
for instance
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, they would not be able to get it with a child in the house.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that leaving
kids
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 to their
grandparents
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 can have various benefits, like special parental bonds and saving money, there could be possible drawbacks, like exposing the
kids
Use synonyms
 to hazards, and putting too much pressure on the older ones.
Submitted by aymanshabakaa on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more explicit and structured. Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, and your conclusion neatly summarizes your key points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and presented clear and comprehensive ideas. However, ensure that you clearly state your position on the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction and maintain that focus throughout your essay. Use more specific examples to support your points, and ensure they are directly relevant to the advantages and disadvantages of grandparents taking care of children. Also, make sure to address both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner.
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