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Band 4

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
Nowadays in some places, youth have been abandoning their relationships and hometowns to live in
areas
 that are bigger and have more amenities , there
are
Change the verb form
is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of factors to
this
 ,but certain measures could be taken to alleviate
this
 problem. there are several causes of
this
 issue, if I had to pick the significant one,
first
 I would go for to obtain the better opportunities to live. In rural
areas
, living is based on agriculture and animal husbandry. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
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 the balance between the countryside residents and farms is broken by increasing the rate of population .
for example
 my grandfather 's farm was divided by five children ,
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in the share
his
Change preposition
of his
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 kids were decreasing, so my father has forced to leave his village .
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 some
country sides
Correct your spelling
countrysides
show examples
 do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable amenities .namely, road, school , university and so on.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
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 there is a rural area in the south of Iran that
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have drinking water and has the most rate of young human who immigrated to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. the most appropriate remedy whereby residents of the rural area could overcome
this
 predicament. In the
first
 place is the government should distribute the suitable facilities
such
 as roads, shops, universities and so on in the place
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 are
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 developed. It can be realized ,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 the policies man does not have enough pay attention to the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
areas
, it would lead to the immigration of many people to developing places. It is clear that people attempt to get a standard situation for living. So it is
foremost
Add an article
a foremost
the foremost
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 item to any governments that allocated the budget to whole zones in their country without discrimination , due to the fact that it can prevent to leave
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
.
such
 as building the hospital. developed the instructions of standard living. I would like to close
this
 argument. some young people leave their hometowns to get the opportunity to work and live in the places that are developed ,
also
 the governments should pay attention to whole
areas
 at the same. I recommended the governments have to make interesting the countrysides
Submitted by k.seydi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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