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Band 6

In most countries, prison is an effective solution to the problem of crime. Some people think it is a more effective solution to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#countries #prison #crime #people #education #disagree？
These days government place a premium on a safer society. Some people think,
in
Correct word choice
that in
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 case to have a better community, you should provide
a
Remove the article
apply
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better education, while other argue,
prison
Correct word choice
that prison
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 is an effective way. In my view
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 educational system will be having more effect. To advance a convincing theory I could deal with,
impact
Add an article
the impact
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 of childhood
in
Change preposition
on
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 future life. I have searched a lot about
this
 topic.
for instance
, carefree childhood or a close-knit family. When you live in a loving family, they can easily teach you what is right and what is wrong. In
future
Add a comma
,future
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 you try your best to avoid the wrong
things
.
Additionally
,
instead
 of science and math that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 taught in schools, we need to know more about crimes, how to protect
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
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 and how to reduce
this
 stuff.
For example
, you will know that stealing and killing other people is illegal.
Although
 past memories and lessons that are taught, are contributing factors, for some people the worse situation that they have like, bankruptcy or poverty
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 them to steal
things
 or sometimes their life is in danger. To be honest, if I were in their shoe, maybe I do the same
things
.
As a result
, having a prison is really important. As I have mentioned before, we can’t decline crime to zero. To conclude, all in all, gone is the idea of, these lessons are really important, there are other
things
 we need to know so as to have a better life and a brighter future.
Submitted by s.pantea.rahnama on

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