In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Every society has its own culture and what they believe in. Some
cultures
value
and
respect
the elderly whilst in other
cultures
the
youth
are an epitome of
value
and
respect
. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally. I will unravel
both
views below. On one hand, wisdom and knowledge
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
associated with age
hence
the
respect
given to the elderly in some societies. Most African
cultures
like the Ndebele people
respect
elders and they seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their advice in literally everything that they do.
An approval
Remove the article
Approval
show examples
from an elder is associated with blessings and success. Because of the fundamental role that the elderly have, more time and resources are given to the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
of the elderly which goes back to show how they are truly valued. At the other end of the spectrum, the
youth
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
more energy,
innovative
Correct word choice
and innovative
show examples
ideas and are believed to be the future of
tomorrow
hence
the
value
they are given in other
cultures
. Most
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
cultures
allocate their resources to the
youth
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to empower them for
tomorrow
.
For instance
, Great Britain has free education for all to a certain level which goes to show how much they
value
their
youth
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
both
ages are of great importance in today's and
tomorrow
's society. The elderly
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
the advisors of the younger generation and the
youth
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
the implementers and the builders of a progressive and successful
tomorrow
.
This
goes on to say a synergistic environment is better off
ad
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
it utilises the strength of
both
. In conclusion, wisdom acquired over the years results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
one being valued and respected in some
cultures
whereas
in others, being young and innovative guarantees
value
. I
then
argue that, is it not better off to use a synergistic environment
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to get the good of
both
worlds.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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Structure & Fluency
Try to diversify your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
Content & Examples
To strengthen your argument, include more varied and specific examples from a wider range of cultures.
Clarity & Opinion
In discussing both views, ensure you clearly differentiate your personal opinion from the discussion. A separate paragraph for your own opinion would enhance clarity.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear and well-structured presentation of both views.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the topic and your stance.
Use of Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points. Keep up the good work!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reverence
  • wisdom
  • life experience
  • integrate
  • respected
  • innovation
  • progress
  • energy
  • investment
  • harness
  • potential
  • advancement
  • tradition
  • guidance
  • navigated
  • merits
  • tradition
  • adaptability
  • forward-thinking
  • contributions
  • intergenerational
  • respect
  • synergistic
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