IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Every society has its own culture and what they believe in. Some
cultures
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value
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 and
respect
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 the elderly whilst in other
cultures
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 the
youth
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 are an epitome of
value
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 and
respect
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. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally. I will unravel
both
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 views below. On one hand, wisdom and knowledge
is
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are
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 associated with age
hence
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 the
respect
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 given to the elderly in some societies. Most African
cultures
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 like the Ndebele people
respect
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 elders and they seek
for
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apply
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their advice in literally everything that they do.
An approval
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Approval
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 from an elder is associated with blessings and success. Because of the fundamental role that the elderly have, more time and resources are given to the
well being
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well-being
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 of the elderly which goes back to show how they are truly valued. At the other end of the spectrum, the
youth
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holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
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 more energy,
innovative
Correct word choice
and innovative
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 ideas and are believed to be the future of
tomorrow
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hence
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 the
value
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 they are given in other
cultures
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. Most
western
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Western
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cultures
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 allocate their resources to the
youth
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inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to empower them for
tomorrow
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.
For instance
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, Great Britain has free education for all to a certain level which goes to show how much they
value
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 their
youth
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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both
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 ages are of great importance in today's and
tomorrow
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's society. The elderly
being
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are
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 the advisors of the younger generation and the
youth
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being
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are
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 the implementers and the builders of a progressive and successful
tomorrow
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.
This
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 goes on to say a synergistic environment is better off
ad
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as
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 it utilises the strength of
both
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. In conclusion, wisdom acquired over the years results
to
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in
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 one being valued and respected in some
cultures
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whereas
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 in others, being young and innovative guarantees
value
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. I
then
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 argue that, is it not better off to use a synergistic environment
inorder
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in order
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 to get the good of
both
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 worlds.

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Structure & Fluency
Try to diversify your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
Content & Examples
To strengthen your argument, include more varied and specific examples from a wider range of cultures.
Clarity & Opinion
In discussing both views, ensure you clearly differentiate your personal opinion from the discussion. A separate paragraph for your own opinion would enhance clarity.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear and well-structured presentation of both views.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the topic and your stance.
Use of Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points. Keep up the good work!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reverence
  • wisdom
  • life experience
  • integrate
  • respected
  • innovation
  • progress
  • energy
  • investment
  • harness
  • potential
  • advancement
  • tradition
  • guidance
  • navigated
  • merits
  • tradition
  • adaptability
  • forward-thinking
  • contributions
  • intergenerational
  • respect
  • synergistic
What to do next:
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