IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that humans being are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Animal
extinct
Replace the word
extinction
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 has mostly been a significant issue. Current day,
ıt
Correct your spelling
it
 is thought by some that animal species are becoming extinct day by day, yet there are others who believe that human beings are more important. In my opinion, I believe that animal lives are important too because they balance the ecological systems around the globe. Both of these viewpoints will be outlined before concluding.
To begin
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 with, recent research suggests that focusing on animal lives at an early age can be beneficial for human skills.
Therefore
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,
animals
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 should be protected by governments. At the same time, they can build the area of
animals
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. Individuals usually need
animals
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 to gain mercy even if they do not see the truth.
Moreover
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, people need not only mercy but
also
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 eating their meats.
On the other hand
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, the damage caused by living without
animals
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 varies considerably depending on both human lives and the development of the world. so
this
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 is a problem which is being talked up by some as a very serious threat.
Animals
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 should wander with us because
this
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 world is all of us.
For instance
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, if there were no
animals
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 around the globe,
first
Correct word choice
apply
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people could not develop themselves and they could not eat something. It opened the door to many different opportunities in the past.
To sum up
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, some people, who at first glance think of living a life without
animals
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, are mistaken because they cannot live without
animals
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.
This
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 thing should be changed.They ensure a lot of benefits in the world.251

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Task Response
The essay does not effectively address the task, and the points made are not clearly related to the topic. The discussion lacks depth and does not fully consider both viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks cohesive structure. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion.
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