IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Utilizing social networking sites,
for
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 Facebook,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 thought by some
people
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 had an
enormous
Change the adjective
enormously
show examples
 detrimental effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individual
people
 as well as
society
 and
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
community
.
However
, while I believe that
such
 sites greatly benefit
Add an article
a person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 communicating and finding the same
interest
 group with them, I agree that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
damaging
Correct article usage
a damaging
show examples
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Concerning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals, the
impact
 they had from social media utilization has clear advantages.
Firstly
,
people
 from around the world
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 brought together to meet
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media whereas
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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undeveloped
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the undeveloped
an undeveloped
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 technological era,
people
 are rarely
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bond
Add an article
a bond
the bond
show examples
 wider relationship with
people
 all over the world and only communicate with their closest circle or
community
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 upside is finding
Add an article
a group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of the same
interest
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the user. Facebook usually provide groups of
interest
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 everyone can freely join
this
 group. They would benefit a lot from
this
 because it
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 individual to discuss and share
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 common
interest
.
On the other hand
, the
impact
 felt by
society
 from
this
 site can only be seen as negative. Adolescents incline to spend more time with
people
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online rather than taking a part in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
community
.
Consequently
, the
people
 within
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
community
 are no longer forming supportive relationships.
Furthermore
,
society
 as a whole is becoming more fragmented as
people
 spend much more time accessing social media with
people
 they never met
instead
 of meeting
people
 closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. To conclude,
although
 social networking sites benefit
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to reach their friends and relatives, they have not had the same
impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the wider
society
 or local
community
. They need to struggle more to involve local
people
joining
Change preposition
in joining
show examples
 local activities in order to promote the future of
community
 life.
Submitted by IELTS B9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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