IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments thinks that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people , however , think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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Government officials are of the opinion that economic growth is most relevant.
However
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, many individuals believe that the different kinds of progress are
also
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 vital in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I am of the opinion that in as much as the financial growth of a nation are important, they are other
sectors
Use synonyms
 that subsidies it
such
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 as educational
sectors
Use synonyms
 and health practice. On the one hand, economic progress is the ability of a society to increase
in
Change preposition
apply
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 capability to produce higher-valued (more and better) goods and services with the use of the same or equivalent resources. By so doing it paves way for
improved
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an improved
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 standard of living
also
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 by alleviating poverty and
this
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 allows them to get essential goods for
living
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a living
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.
For instance
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, in a survey by Samuelson 2001, if people have
high
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a high
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 income, they can consume more luxury goods and stimulate aggregate demand.
Also
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, financial growth increases the employment rates of a country as
firm
Correct article usage
a firm
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 tends to employ more workers
due
Add the preposition
todue
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 much production.
On the other hand
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,many
sectors
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 in the society would actually benefit the community more, like improvement of the health practice which can be achieved by allocating
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
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 budget and making available proper equipment needed in the hospital.
Likewise
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 , in the education sector teachers no longer find satisfaction in their job due to lack of payment and in
availability
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the availability
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 of necessary items required for learning.
For instance
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, during the era of
Correct article usage
the corona
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corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
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 pandemic, Nigeria as a whole couldn’t account for up to 20 ventilators and
this
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 cost many individuals
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 life due to the
careless
Replace the word
carelessness
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 of the nation. In conclusion, in as much as the economic progress is beneficial, I feel that government should look more into the health and
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
 as it will benefit the populace and reduce loss of life and academic dropout and tyranny. 302 words

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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