Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the ‏past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television ‏for children. ‏

#children #time #television #‏past #‏for

In recent days,

Children

have spent a longer time watching television than before. There are some advantages and disadvantages of watching television a lot. First of all, the advantage of watching

for a long time is that

children

can learn many new words that they do not know from the

shows which will be helpful when they study

also

when they watch

they can understand the way that they speak and

children

can learn many new things

such

techniques by watching many kinds of

show

Add an article

the show

show examples

and when they watch anime from the

, they can talk with their friends a lot about anime

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they will be more fun and happy. Second , the disadvantage of watching

for a long time is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when kids are watching the screen for a long hour it makes their eyes

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

and watching

for a long hour means they are watching

even though they have friends to play with and they will lose friends when they

are not play

Change the verb form

are not playing

show examples

or talk with them. Watching

makes

children

not sleep. Watching

makes

children

not sleep, which means that it is bad for their health and it will affect their grades in school when kids watch

makes

children

's physical activity too low and they will be weaker when they are not doing sports or playing outside.

To sum up

there are some advantages and disadvantages of watching

for long hours. In conclusion, in my opinion, watching

for long hours when they are tired is bad.

Submitted by dokmally2 on Mon Jul 01 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing a more detailed explanation and specific examples for each point. For instance, mentioning particular educational programs or types of anime shows could make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

Improve the coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each sentence smoothly leads to the next, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

task achievement

You have provided both advantages and disadvantages of watching television, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the ‏past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television ‏for children. ‏

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?

large coporation should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Atomic energy is becoming more and more popular energy source. However, some people argue that nuclear power puts life on the Earth to danger. What is your opinion?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.