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Band 6

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work
It is believed that
people
 are suffering from numerous health-related issues due to the excessive consumption of unhealthy food. Some
people
 hold the thought that
education
 is an applicable solution, while others have little faith in
this
 scheme.
This
 essay will illustrate both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and my opinion in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
. It is generally argued, by some,
training
Correct word choice
that training
show examples
 and
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness is the most effective way.
Firstly
,
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 impacts of junk food on body health are known through
education
.
For example
, creating various
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
 as chronic diseases which are caused by consuming these kinds of
foods
.
Secondly
, achieve to a healthy diet program is gained via training.
For instance
,
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 a suitable plan for amounts of nutritious
foods
 leads to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 enough vitamins, proteins and etc.
as a result
,
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
show examples
 to unhealthy
foods
. In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who argue that
education
 will not work.
This
 method is necessary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but isn’t enough because other conditions
such
 as job
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
this
 way.
For example
, when somebody works more than 8 hours per day, he doesn’t have sufficient time to follow training.
Furthermore
,
education
 doesn’t have
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 that avoids
people
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people's
show examples
 consumption of junk
foods
.
In other words
, self-commitment has a vital role in avoiding eating junk
foods
 in
compare
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comparison
show examples
 to
education
. To sum up,
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of individuals is
injuring
Wrong verb form
injured
show examples
 by eating unhealthy
foods
. In my opinion, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
education
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 doesn’t have enough power in order to overcome
this
 issue.
Submitted by Masud on

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