IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from numerous health-related issues due to the excessive consumption of unhealthy food. Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the thought that
education
Use synonyms
 is an applicable solution, while others have little faith in
this
Linking Words
 scheme.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and my opinion in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
. It is generally argued, by some,
training
Correct word choice
that training
show examples
 and
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness is the most effective way.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 impacts of junk food on body health are known through
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, creating various
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as chronic diseases which are caused by consuming these kinds of
foods
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, achieve to a healthy diet program is gained via training.
For instance
Linking Words
,
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 a suitable plan for amounts of nutritious
foods
Use synonyms
 leads to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 enough vitamins, proteins and etc.
as a result
Linking Words
,
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
show examples
 to unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
. In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who argue that
education
Use synonyms
 will not work.
This
Linking Words
 method is necessary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but isn’t enough because other conditions
such
Linking Words
 as job
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way.
For example
Linking Words
, when somebody works more than 8 hours per day, he doesn’t have sufficient time to follow training.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 doesn’t have
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 that avoids
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 consumption of junk
foods
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, self-commitment has a vital role in avoiding eating junk
foods
Use synonyms
 in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to
education
Use synonyms
. To sum up,
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of individuals is
injuring
Wrong verb form
injured
show examples
 by eating unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
education
Use synonyms
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 doesn’t have enough power in order to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Submitted by Masud on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: