IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that alcohol should be considered a drug and made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent times, there has been an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 in their lives. Under the circumstances, some argue that
alcohol
Use synonyms
 should be made illegal.
This
Linking Words
 essay will support
this
Linking Words
 statement, as
alcohol
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
 can not only contribute to elevating a crime
rate
Use synonyms
 drastically but
people
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 are
also
Linking Words
 inclined to become addicted to it.
To begin
Linking Words
, there is a strong linkage between a high crime
rate
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
intake
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. The rationale is, that
alcohol
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
 often impairs a capacity for judgement, leading individuals to take more abrupt, reckless, and impulsive actions. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 drive a car with
alcohol
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, they tend to drive at a fast speed over the speed limit, as they have more confidence in their capabilities.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 unusual behaviour and immoral action amplify the
rate
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 of many types of crimes. Another imperative point is that there are a number of adults who are addicted to
alcohol
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. Even though most of them started to drink
alcohol
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 in moderation, the amount of
alcohol
Use synonyms
intake
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 tends to increase, making it difficult to quit it.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, their lives would be completely destroyed by
alcohol
Use synonyms
 addiction, as they significantly lose motivation, emotional regulation, and logical thinking. It is not rare for those
people
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 to rely on their family members financially
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are no longer capable of working and being independent. In conclusion, I contend that
alcohol
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 should be unlawful because an increase in crime
rate
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 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 addiction are dire social problems.

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Introduction & Conclusion
You have offered a good introduction and conclusion that frames your argument effectively. To improve, ensure that the introduction succinctly outlines your main points and that your conclusion decisively reaffirms your stance.
Logical Structure
You've structured your essay logically with clear paragraphs, each focused on a distinct idea. To enhance coherence further, you might consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more effectively signal the relationship between ideas.
Supporting Main Points
Your essay demonstrates good task achievement with a clear response to the prompt. For enhancement, ensure each point is fully developed with more detailed examples or evidence. Sometimes, mentioning specific studies or statistics can enrich your argument.
Relevant, Specific Examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent. However, to make your essay stand out, consider integrating more specific and varied examples, including case studies, statistical data, or notable incidents that strongly underline your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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