IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a growing debate around the topic of participation in international sports competition. Some people believe that due to health concerns people older than 30 years should not be able to participate in Olympics, while others think that restriction is unnecessary.

#debate #topic #participation #sports #competition #people #health #concerns #years #olympics #restriction
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Some
people
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 are talking about whether there should be an
age
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limit
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 for
athletes
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 in the Olympics or not.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at
this
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 theme from different angles and give an opinion on the idea of having an
age
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limit
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 for professional
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
Firstly
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, the absence of an
age
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limit
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 can contribute to
health
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 problems for
athletes
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, which can
also
Linking Words
 lead to a deterioration in the quality of their performance.
In addition
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, competition between young
athletes
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 and older
athletes
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 is extremely unfair because these groups have different
health
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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. Judges don't take
this
Linking Words
 aspect into account and
therefore
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 decisions can't be made objectively. After all, a 30-year-old cap is necessary because
with
Add the comma(s)
, with
show examples
 an
age
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limit
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,
athletes
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 can avoid
health
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 problems, injuries and biased evaluation.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
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 say that as we grow older, it can be tougher to stay as good at sports as we were in our twenties. But thanks to new tools and knowing how to eat well,
athletes
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 can still do great things even when they are older.
People
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also
Linking Words
 say that everyone should have the chance to chase their dreams, no matter how old they are. I think that
this
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 idea is quite debatable, because regardless of what we eat and what lifestyle we lead, our
health
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 deteriorates with
age
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, and we cannot influence
this
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 process. In conclusion, I'm concerned that
thirty year old
Add a hyphen
thirty-year-old
show examples
 cap in professional sports is necessary. Even if some
people
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 believe that everyone has a right to participate in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competition regardless of
age
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, implementing a 30-year-old cap on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Olympic sports could help ensure the safety and well-being of
athletes
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, who may face increased risks of injury and decreased performance as they
age
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.
Overall
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, I wouldn't agree that
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 of any
age
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 can take part in the Olympics.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention specific instances where older athletes have either performed exceptionally well or have been at a disadvantage compared to younger athletes.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence of your argument, explicitly state why older athletes might still perform well in competitions and provide evidence for these claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear and distinct main idea in order to avoid any repetition or mixing of arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the debate on age limits in sports, offering a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that establishes the topic and ends with a conclusion summarizing the author's position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical reasoning is used throughout, particularly in the discussion of fairness and health concerns in sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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