IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a growing debate around the topic of participation in international sports competition. Some people believe that due to health concerns people older than 30 years should not be able to participate in Olympics, while others think that restriction is unnecessary.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 are talking about whether there should be an
age
Use synonyms
limit
Use synonyms
 for
athletes
Use synonyms
 in the Olympics or not.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at
this
Linking Words
 theme from different angles and give an opinion on the idea of having an
age
Use synonyms
limit
Use synonyms
 for professional
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the absence of an
age
Use synonyms
limit
Use synonyms
 can contribute to
health
Use synonyms
 problems for
athletes
Use synonyms
, which can
also
Linking Words
 lead to a deterioration in the quality of their performance.
In addition
Linking Words
, competition between young
athletes
Use synonyms
 and older
athletes
Use synonyms
 is extremely unfair because these groups have different
health
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. Judges don't take
this
Linking Words
 aspect into account and
therefore
Linking Words
 decisions can't be made objectively. After all, a 30-year-old cap is necessary because
with
Add the comma(s)
, with
show examples
 an
age
Use synonyms
limit
Use synonyms
,
athletes
Use synonyms
 can avoid
health
Use synonyms
 problems, injuries and biased evaluation.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 say that as we grow older, it can be tougher to stay as good at sports as we were in our twenties. But thanks to new tools and knowing how to eat well,
athletes
Use synonyms
 can still do great things even when they are older.
People
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 say that everyone should have the chance to chase their dreams, no matter how old they are. I think that
this
Linking Words
 idea is quite debatable, because regardless of what we eat and what lifestyle we lead, our
health
Use synonyms
 deteriorates with
age
Use synonyms
, and we cannot influence
this
Linking Words
 process. In conclusion, I'm concerned that
thirty year old
Add a hyphen
thirty-year-old
show examples
 cap in professional sports is necessary. Even if some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that everyone has a right to participate in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competition regardless of
age
Use synonyms
, implementing a 30-year-old cap on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Olympic sports could help ensure the safety and well-being of
athletes
Use synonyms
, who may face increased risks of injury and decreased performance as they
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, I wouldn't agree that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 of any
age
Use synonyms
 can take part in the Olympics.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention specific instances where older athletes have either performed exceptionally well or have been at a disadvantage compared to younger athletes.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence of your argument, explicitly state why older athletes might still perform well in competitions and provide evidence for these claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear and distinct main idea in order to avoid any repetition or mixing of arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the debate on age limits in sports, offering a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that establishes the topic and ends with a conclusion summarizing the author's position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical reasoning is used throughout, particularly in the discussion of fairness and health concerns in sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: