In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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In many nations, administration and population consume a high expenditure on celebrating holidays and

festivals

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, whether doing

this

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can lead to many benefits becomes a heated debate. For my part,

although

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there might be arguments supporting that it is wasteful to spend

money

Use synonyms

on celebrating these

festivals

Use synonyms

, I tend to believe that

this

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action can be more beneficial for us. On the one hand, I think the government and

people

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should spend the amount of

money

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on celebrating.

Festivals

Use synonyms

have a vital connection with the cultural identity of the

people

Use synonyms

who celebrate them. In

this

Linking Words

sense, if one festival in a country disappears

due to

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the lack of attention, the distinctive ways of lifestyles that are associated with it will

also

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go extinct. As

such

Linking Words

, we will lose the rich cultural diversity in

this

Linking Words

country.

However

Linking Words

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

spend

money

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to hold some events and inhabitants' costs on celebrating

festivals

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are ways

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can raise

people

Use synonyms

’s awareness of cultural identity and cultural recognition. Meanwhile, not only do

people

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feel a sense of happiness, but

also

Linking Words

multiculturalism in

this

Linking Words

society can be protected and promoted.

On the other hand

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, it can be argued that celebrating these is a waste of

money

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. The supporters of

this

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view argue that with the development of technology,

people

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can celebrate

festivals

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in front of the screen on the internet. Government can save

this

Linking Words

money

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and the

money

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can be used for the construction of the

infrastructures

Fix the agreement mistake

infrastructure

show examples

, meanwhile,

people

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can buy more useful things rather than spend on celebrating.

However

Linking Words

, I think it will create a sad world, in which fewer and fewer

people

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will take part in the celebration in the future.

As a consequence

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, the next generation may forget the

festivals

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and hard to find their own identity.

To conclude

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, celebrating

festivals

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is a meaningful

as well as

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important behaviour.

Although

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there are some downsides in the short term, there are actually more merits in the long term, which can lead to multiculturalism and prosperity of the society.

3071334368Thu Jun 16 2022

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task achievement

Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific festival and how government spending enhances cultural awareness.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph clearly connects back to the main argument stated in the introduction to maintain coherence.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction that sets up the argument effectively and a conclusion that summarizes your points well.

task achievement

You present a balanced view and respond comprehensively to the task by discussing both viewpoints and giving your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

334 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

excessive spending
allocate resources
pressing needs
temporary pleasure
cultural heritage
fostering community
national pride
boost the economy
promoting tourism
social cohesion
investment in cultural preservation
budgeting and planning
moderation and strategic planning
cost-effective
vital areas

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In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crimes should also receive a punishment

Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?