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Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and age together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #age
It is often thought that
music
 has
a unique and better ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
a unique and better way
unique and better ways
show examples
 of uniting people irrespective of place, culture and age. I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 opinion and I think that through
music
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
 language can spread across the globe and
also
strengths
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 national unity.
Firstly
, I believe that songs composed in
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
 language really help
non
Add a hyphen
non-English
show examples
English
 speaking countries to learn how to speak
English
.
This
 implies that after
non
Add a hyphen
non-English
show examples
English
 speakers understand
English
 via
music
, it enables them to communicate with other
English
 speakers thereby uniting them.take
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 instance, an
English
 song that was produced by a Nigerian musician is virtually trending in different parts of the world including China , Ukraine, Russia.
Secondly
,
beautiful
Correct article usage
a beautiful
show examples
 melody can bring
peace
 and strengths
unity
Correct article usage
the unity
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a country.
This
 means that in a country where there is disunity, protest or war ,
music
 can help prevent it from escalating
hence
 bringing
peace
 and unity
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the country.
For example
, in Nigeria around October 2020,a
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
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 protest erupted
as a result
 of injustice melted on
citizenswhich
Correct your spelling
citizens which
 later became bloody as the military men began shooting
sparodically
Correct your spelling
sporadically
 at the protesters leading to
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 of
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 citizens.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 most of the fearless protesters remained steadfast and began chanting songs for
peace
 which they sang emotionally and
this
 made the soldiers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
drop their weapons against the citizens. In conclusion,
although
 it is a common belief that
music
 has a way of uniting human beings regardless of age, race, culture,
language
Correct word choice
or language
show examples
, I believe that
music
 is unifying.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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