Teenagers nowadays spend too much time on playing video games. Describe the effects on teenagers, families, and society. Report the measures to solve the problem.

It is argued that in recent days, teens have spent a lot of
time
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on PlayStation, which causes them to spend a few minutes with their
families
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. To solve
this
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problem, teens can play only on the weekends and only for a limited amount of
time
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. On one hand, there is a significant problem in many
families
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: teenagers prefer to spend all their
time
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on the PlayStation.
This
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leads to them spending very little
time
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with their
families
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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habit affects their ability to focus during class when the teacher is explaining lessons, ultimately impacting their academic performance, There is an impact on eyesight when they spend all their
time
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playing
video
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games
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.
For instance
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, a survey in China found that 50% of students who play
video
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games
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excessively have very low academic results. To address
this
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issue,
families
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should be firm with their
children
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by establishing rules at home.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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can play
video
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games
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only on weekends and for a limited amount of
time
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.
Additionally
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, parents should educate their
children
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about the potential dangers associated with
video
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games
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.
Also
Linking Words
, give them a gift if they try to reduce their usage.
For example
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, in Japan, there are a lot of students who are improving in their studies because they spend all their
time
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studying and they try to reduce playing
video
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games
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. In conclusion, there are many disadvantages to PlayStation, and we must encourage our
children
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to reduce their gameplay and focus on school. We should
also
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reward them when they decrease their usage.

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Task Achievement
Make it clear how video games affect families and society more specifically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore'.
Task Achievement
Give more examples or reasons for your points to support them well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to make a stronger introduction that includes a clear thesis statement.
Task Achievement
You showed good understanding of the problem with video games.
Task Achievement
You provided some solutions for the problem, which is a good practice.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive effects
  • Physical inactivity
  • Video game addiction
  • Social impairment
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial strain
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Academic performance
  • Cultural norms
  • Parental control
  • Time management
  • Alternative hobbies
  • Support groups
  • Counseling services
  • Balanced lifestyle
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