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Band 5

Some parents bring their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#parents #children #toys
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There is no doubt that
games
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 play an essential part
of
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in
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youths
Change noun form
youths'
youth's
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 childhood. The question is, dose parents providing
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids with
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enormous
Correct article usage
an enormus
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enormus
Correct your spelling
enormous
 amount of
games
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 have more advantages or disadvantages? I
personly
Replace the word
personally
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
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believe
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 that
toys
Use synonyms
 are very important but should be in small portions. In the terms of advantages,
toys
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 can have a
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positive
postive
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positive
 effect if they were educational
games
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.
Main
Add an article
The main
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 reason given to support
this
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 claim is that kids can have fun while learning helpful skills
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same time.
In other words
Linking Words
, if the child
Correct your spelling
continues
countinues
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continues
 playing these
games
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 he or she will be shaped to be a successful member of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Another advantage is that the social skills will be developed
in
Change preposition
as
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 a result of sharing
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
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their
toys
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 with other toddlers
in
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of
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 the same age and making
frienship
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friendship
friendships
 as well
growing
Correct word choice
as growing
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 a
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sense
sence
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sense
 of teamwork and cooperation.
However
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, there is a number of
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negative
negtive
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negative
 sides that comes with buying huge amounts of
toys
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 .
Firstly
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, some parents
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
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an
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alternative
alternitive
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alternative
of
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to
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 spending quality
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
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their
 offsprings, mostly because of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
the
thier
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their
 long hours job and the small amount of sleep. Resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 creat a
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distance
distence
Correct your spelling
distance
 between them and
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
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their
 children.
Secondly
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, a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
 can be rather expensive. And kids will tend to get bored
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 after
period
Add an article
a period
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 of time. In other terms , waste of money. To conclude,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that
games
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 should be bought for children but preferably being educational to help
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a great impact on the
child
Change noun form
child's
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 future success and
also
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 to shape their social skills.
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However
Add a comma
,However
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 it should be in moderate
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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