Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree.

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In recent times, technological advancements
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject advancements. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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provided better instruments to produce melodious tunes. A fraction of individuals
opine
Change the verb form
opines

The plural verb opine does not appear to agree with the singular subject fraction. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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that songs help to gather humans irrespective of their ethnic groups and whether they are children, adults or the elderly.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will discuss with reasons why I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

perspective.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with,
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a universal language that cuts across different linguistic barriers.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is due to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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people from various walks of life are able to decipher the emotions produced by a song.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it

The verb 's appears to be unnecessary here.

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is a significant tool for social interaction and a means of human expression.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, statistics published by the Ministry of Arts and Humanities in Lagos, Nigeria, showed that across over two hundred and fifty tribes in the region, people sing, dance and celebrate
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at public gatherings either weddings,
dinners
Correct word choice
and dinners

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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as well as life ceremonies. The above informs that humans grossly relate to beautiful sounds.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, improved health condition along with mood stability is an imperative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects

It seems that effect may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of acoustic
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is owing to the fact that meaningful rhythm is
soul lifting
Add a hyphen
soul-lifting

It seems that soul lifting is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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and helps to enhance
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's

It appears that the word ones should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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mood.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a personal encounter
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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observed with depressed patients' is that they are somewhat excited when listening to their favourite artists
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it helps them to play, have a good mental state and exit their depressive state. To put together,
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

improves
emotional
Correct article usage
the emotional

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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well-being of its audience. In conclusion, despite various sentiments and reservations about its effect, I firmly believe that
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a force to reckon with if, there is a need to unite individuals in any community.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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