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Band 4

Some think governments ought to invest more education for adults than young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #governments #education #adults #people
Younger
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The younger
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 generation in every society is an asset for developing their country. The government should allocate their budget for young
education
. I strongly believe that investment in youth
education
 is more beneficial than
adults
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in adults
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 because of their improvement and creativity. One main reason why
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 an amount of budget for younger
education
 has more
effectiveness
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effect
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 on their
future
 is they would be leaders in their chosen sector. When younger peoples choose their major, they can be improving their potential in various ways, and they can work as a specialist. At university, they can learn a lot of lessons related to their major and readied for building their
future
. After university, they are ready physically and mentally.
Therefore
, authorities should pay attention to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 youngsters to be an expert in their various subjects. Moving to another reason, younger people have lots of opportunities to develop themselves in the cutting-edge era.
In
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apply
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These days everything is getting change
cause
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the cause
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 of technology and youngster can up to date their knowledge very quickly.
Moreover
, they can learn deeper about data science to operate artificial intelligence where it is projected will replace humans to do their occupations.
Hence
, investment
on
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in
show examples
 younger is
capital
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a capital
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- intensive project by authorities, but in the
future
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,future
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 they will be profitable for society.
However
, some adults who do not have
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 but have more experience than youth and know which way the wind blows, but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cannot accept
many
Correct your spelling
any
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 risks in their job. So, most of them prefer to continue their oldest ways. Inset of older people, younger
are
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is
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 enthusiastic about trying out
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 and easy method. In conclusion, I totally agree
about
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apply
show examples
that government should encourage the younger generation
for
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to
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education
 because they will offer a bright
future
 to their homelands.
Besides
 we do not forget to use adults' experience to improve our country.
Submitted by fatemezand1990 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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