IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of hours people spend at
work
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. Despite the undeniable economic prosperity prolonged working
time
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 has brought to many involved nations, some people argue that
this
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 trend has negatively affected
workers
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' social lives. Partially agreeing with
this
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 assertion, I believe that
workers
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 are experiencing a quality societal life. Undeniably, increased
work
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time
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 intensifies isolation among occupants. Spending a significant amount of daily
time
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 from eight to five at
work
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 and
also
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 subtracting a standard of 8 hours for sleep
time
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, there remains a lower free
time
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 for other activities
such
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 as dining, showering, working out and socializing with family and friends. Of these activities,
workers
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 usually sacrifice socializing for other mentioned vital issues, resulting in paled relationships. Continuing
this
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 trend,
therefore
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, can cause the loss of friends and a lack of socialization, which would lead to depression, loneliness and unsocial behaviours.
Nevertheless
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, these limited social relationships could be compensated by increased connections at
work
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. The more people
work
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, the broader become knowledge and experiences, enabling
workers
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 to extend their professional cycle and make new links with
workers
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 of the same or related positions from all over the world.
Furthermore
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, having to spend long hours at
work
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 and dealing with colleagues of diverse cultures and personalities develop adaptability and resilience, essential for extensive social relations.
For instance
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, working days and nights for three years qualified me to receive a job offer in 2019, from a well-known company in Germany, which made me acquainted with individuals of mutual professional interests contributing to my professional and social progress. So, rather than judging these changes as an adverse development, we should view them as an opportunity to make progress. In conclusion, the benefits of prolonged
work
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time
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 far outweigh the drawbacks. It might negatively impact old relations,
nonetheless
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, it has the capability to create widespread connections
as well as
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 enhance occupational progress.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of your ideas. Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance transitions between points.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports the topic stated in the introduction. Some ideas need to be elaborated on or more clearly linked to the thesis.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from personal experience which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average working time
  • Economically successful
  • Negative social consequences
  • Employee burnout
  • Competitive edge
  • Global markets
  • Consumer spending
  • Productivity
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental health issues
  • Community ties
  • Societal well-being
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