One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some people believe that having
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
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medical facilitation can help
society
Use synonyms
live longer. I am sure that improving medical care leads the merits than the
dismerits
Correct your spelling
demerits
.
This
Linking Words
manuscript will elaborate
the
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on the
show examples
advantages of having better medical care based on my observation. Healthy is a basic need. Reaching
a
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apply
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good
health
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requires standardized medical facilities, regarding medical services,
in
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apply
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specifically public
administrator
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administrators
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, medical utilities, the recent research,
medicine
Correct word choice
and medicine
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as well. Through these, it will help to expand peoples' life expectancy. Better
health
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will keep people fit.
Thus
Linking Words
, even if they are becoming older, they remain productive and be able to take care their own self, as well as may contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, when the COVID-19 pandemic
first
Linking Words
attacked Indonesia, the mortality rate was higher. Due to the lack of medical service and equipment. After the breakthrough of
vaccine
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the vaccine
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, Indonesia's death cases are lower and assist the elderly
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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stay
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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.
However
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, one of the drawbacks
if
Correct your spelling
is
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the
Correct your spelling
that
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innovation in
medical
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the medical
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sector impacts the national financial burden. Since
,
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apply
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the longer age requires more treatment and therapeutic to maintain their
health
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. Providing them, surely demand a huge amount of money which comes from the national budget. Whereas, it
Linking Words
also
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is also
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used for other necessities,
such
Linking Words
as to
expanse
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expand
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the education and security sectors, and infrastructure.
Although
Linking Words
there are some disadvantages of having
longer
Add an article
a longer
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life, I feel that it is worthy to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advance medical facilities for
Use synonyms
society
Add an article
a society
the society
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that offer better treatment for the elderly to keep them fit and useful for the
society
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. As long as it is planned carefully, I think that the national burden for medical expenditure can be solved wisely by the government.
Submitted by Bismillah 7.5 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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