One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development

Some people believe that having

advance

Wrong verb form

advanced

show examples

medical facilitation can help

society

live longer. I am sure that improving medical care leads the merits than the

dismerits

Correct your spelling

demerits

This

manuscript will elaborate

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

advantages of having better medical care based on my observation. Healthy is a basic need. Reaching

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good

health

requires standardized medical facilities, regarding medical services,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

specifically public

administrator

Fix the agreement mistake

administrators

show examples

, medical utilities, the recent research,

medicine

Correct word choice

and medicine

show examples

as well. Through these, it will help to expand peoples' life expectancy. Better

health

will keep people fit.

Thus

, even if they are becoming older, they remain productive and be able to take care their own self, as well as may contribute to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

For instance

, when the COVID-19 pandemic

first

attacked Indonesia, the mortality rate was higher. Due to the lack of medical service and equipment. After the breakthrough of

vaccine

Correct article usage

the vaccine

show examples

, Indonesia's death cases are lower and assist the elderly

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

stay

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

However

, one of the drawbacks

Correct your spelling

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

innovation in

medical

Correct article usage

the medical

show examples

sector impacts the national financial burden. Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the longer age requires more treatment and therapeutic to maintain their

health

. Providing them, surely demand a huge amount of money which comes from the national budget. Whereas, it

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

used for other necessities,

such

as to

expanse

Replace the word

expand

show examples

the education and security sectors, and infrastructure.

Although

there are some disadvantages of having

longer

Add an article

a longer

show examples

life, I feel that it is worthy to provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advance medical facilities for

society

Add an article

a society

the society

show examples

that offer better treatment for the elderly to keep them fit and useful for the

society

. As long as it is planned carefully, I think that the national burden for medical expenditure can be solved wisely by the government.

Submitted by Bismillah 7.5 on Tue Jun 21 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

IELTS Writing Task 2. Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that technological tools such body scanners and CCTV have significantly enhanced our safety and security, while others feel they have resulted in a loss of privacy. Do the benefits of these items outweigh their disadvantages?

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both views and give your opinion.