IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #members
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In the hectic world, everyone is seen ignoring taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their loved ones. In many cultures, youth are lawfully abiding to fulfil their duty towards the elder generations. I strongly agree with the statement that the younger generation should have a moral obligation towards older generations. In the following ,paragraphs I would like to elaborate on similar reasons with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the growing age causes wear and tear on the body parts
due to
Linking Words
 which it is not possible for them to take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves.
For instance
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, my grandfather cannot walk
due to
Linking Words
 knee operations and is advised to use a wheelchair, and my father always assists him.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is mandatory for offspring to stay beside them and help them whenever necessary.
Additionally
Linking Words
, teenagers should talk to
grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
show examples
 to keep their mood cheerful to avoid having negative thoughts
such
Linking Words
 as overthinking.
Furthermore
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, it is difficult for older people to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their finances all alone, especially when they are not earning a stable regular income.
For example
Linking Words
, my grandmother had a recent eye operation which was out of her budget to pay the expenses, even after using all the fixed deposit amount the remaining amount was a large amount to be paid.
Thus
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, the younger generation can help the older generation by providing a health insurance card which covers all the treatments and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expenses at budget-friendly rates. To encapsulate, when we are younger our parents always took
care
Use synonyms
 of us because we were unable to complete things on our own,
similarly
Linking Words
 as they grow older, it is difficult for them to take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves and
hence
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help from youngsters could be peaceful, satisfied and create a blissful journey for them.
Submitted by zankrut on

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt to fully develop the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next, helping the reader follow the argument more easily.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • filial piety
  • elder care
  • aging population
  • public resources
  • state welfare
  • financial burden
  • legal mandate
  • family dynamics
  • moral responsibility
  • residency
  • integrity
  • dependency
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