IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for family and leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give the reason for your answer and include any relevant examples of your knowledge and experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, many individuals tend to
work
Use synonyms
 long hours, without
or
Correct word choice
apply
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little
time
Use synonyms
leaving
Change the form of the verb
left
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 family and hobbies.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 statement and provide
logical
Add an article
a logical
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 conclusion. The two main disadvantages of working long hours without spending
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your family or leisure activities are deterioration of mental health and
blightening
Correct your spelling
brightening
lightening
tightening
 relationships with your children and family.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 in
work
Use synonyms
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
, he will be stressed anyway. Hobbies and leisure activities may help and provide
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
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pillow
Fix the agreement mistake
pillows
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 to a person. Without any of
this
Linking Words
 individual can fall into depression with
further
Linking Words
 mental problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, according to
research
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the research
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of
Change preposition
by
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 Harvard University approximately 60 per cent of employees in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States who do not have their own passion are most likely to fall into depression or even suicide.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of strains of
work
Use synonyms
 both
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 male, marriage could be divorced and relationships with children can blight.
For example
Linking Words
, according to Matt Davis from Toronto University about 26 per cent of marriages are divorced because of workload and lack of attention to children and their half. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, long hours at
work
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have main advantages too,
such
Linking Words
 as career growth and social guarantees. Insurance for health,
guaranteed
Add an article
a guaranteed
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 pension, salary and et cetera. All of
Linking Words
this company
Fix the agreement mistake
these companies
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 provide to their employees. Meanwhile, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 if will
work
Use synonyms
 hard enough can receive career growth. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is my father, he worked a lot at his company,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of
his
Change the pronoun
the
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 hard
work
Use synonyms
 he received a job that provides him with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary and at the same
time
Use synonyms
 he can spend enough
time
Use synonyms
 with his family. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 workload can have positive certain effects like career growth and social guarantees, it has
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
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 bad
influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
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to
Change preposition
on
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life
Correct article usage
the life
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 of human
being
Change the noun form
beings
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 like
deterioration
Correct article usage
the deterioration
show examples
 of mental health and bad relations with family. To my way of thinking drawbacks
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
.
Submitted by cit2005 on

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