IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education.To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
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A prevalent trend today is that governments allocate more funding to
art
 courses and activities. While some
people
 think
this
money
 should be used to
further
 traditional
education
, I believe that
art
 is part of
education
 and have an important role in
people
's development. On one hand, investing more
money
 in
education
 will have several advantages.
To begin
 with,
this
money
 could provide a better learning environment. Schools or universities can import many advanced facilities,
such
 as computers, robotics and artificial intelligence devices, offering students cutting-edge studying conditions.
Furthermore
, the increasing budgets can stimulate academic progress. Some colleges are subjected to limited financial situations, which cannot allow them to offer good salaries for tutors or professors.
However
, if the government could give more
money
 to
education
, it will make employing excellent tutors possible.
On the other hand
, funding
art
 is
also
 a vital thing and will make up for the drawbacks of traditional
education
.
Firstly
,
art
 courses are beneficial to students' comprehensive development.
For example
, students who learn architectural design need to know the aesthetics, the architectural history and the culture behind buildings, which will give them another perspective to understand our living environment rather than only considering the environment from a materialistic view.
Secondly
, it is necessary to cultivate
art
-relating abilities. Arts,
such
 as drawing and sculpture, will encourage
people
's creativity, which is essential to human development. In conclusion,
although
 I can understand why some
people
 believe the government should increase the budget for
education
, I believe investing in arts is equally important.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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