In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
In some
countries
young people have little leisure Add a comma
countries,
time
and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this
? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, there are some regions where teenagers experience a rough time
studying, working, and getting enough rest. In my essay, I would
outline Wrong verb form
will
this
problem and discuss possible solutions.
Firstly
, this
problem affects the health of young people. They spend most of their time
sitting probably not paying attention to their posture. Such
a lifestyle is dangerous because one experiences a lack of fresh air and internal organs are displaced which might cause diseases. The lack of oxygen makes the brain work slower and decreases attention which badly affects studying. Secondly
, teens who do not have leisure time
to meet friends may suffer from psychological problems. Their social bands6 might be quite weak because they do not practice communication. It may cause low self-esteem and the feeling of loneliness which can lead to depression.
However
, there are some solutions. For example
, doctors at schools should discuss pupils’ health7. They can provide interesting and useful tips for staying healthy and outline the role of sport. There have to be developed sports sections and facilities to encourage students to move. Moreover
, schools should organize exciting events to bring students closer together which will stimulate social communication and the emergence of friendship relations. There also
has to be a cabinet of free psychological help if one experiences a crisis.
All in all, because of work and studying young people experience problems with health and mind but they can be solved by schools which might give such
abilities and opportunities.Submitted by moon2014angel on
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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate the main points. For instance, provide specific instances or studies that show the effects of minimal leisure time on mental health.
task achievement
Include more detailed explanations of proposed solutions. Discuss how these solutions could be practically implemented and their potential impacts.
task achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs contribute towards answering both parts of the question: causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the linkage between ideas for smoother transitions. Use more linking words and phrases to connect paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are logically developed with a clear progression of thoughts, demonstrating good coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompts adequately and presents a thoughtful engagement with both causes and solutions.
task achievement
The language used is generally clear and comprehensible, effectively communicating the ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.