In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Young people around the
world
Use synonyms
face the problem of lack of leisure
time
Use synonyms
, owing to the
amount
Use synonyms
of work they need to do to get qualitative knowledge. There are a number of reasons why
this
Linking Words
problem is relevant today. In
this
Linking Words
writing, they will be discussed and needed solutions will be given. First and foremost, it is evident that
due to
Linking Words
globalization, the
World
Use synonyms
's development is unstoppable,
thus
Linking Words
, every day it faces new discoveries in different spheres of science and technology. New articles are being written, and indeed need to be included in the future
study
Use synonyms
program.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students today have the previous
amount
Use synonyms
of
time
Use synonyms
for a larger
amount
Use synonyms
of information.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
the history course, because of new actions in the
World
Use synonyms
, it is always being filled with new stories,
such
Linking Words
as the COVID-19 opening. And if in the past humans had to
study
Use synonyms
for 7 years in school, now there are more and more countries which provide
12-years
Fix the agreement mistake
12-year
show examples
education, which unconditionally illustrates the total
World
Use synonyms
temp.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, to escape problems that can be caused by these extremely overloaded conditions, certain solutions need to be provided. Increasing the
time
Use synonyms
for scholarly education to control the everyday balance of rest and
study
Use synonyms
, owing to the issues the lack of leisure
time
Use synonyms
can cause on productivity, young people’s mental and physical health,
for instance
Linking Words
, depression and psychological burnout, might aid them in their
study
Use synonyms
lives, despite spending more years to be graduated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, providing less scientific and more exciting to learn programs, can increase the motivation and accumulate the personal energy of scholars. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly important to rest
while
Linking Words
studying and working,
due to
Linking Words
the fact that our productivity fully depends on the
amount
Use synonyms
of leisure
time
Use synonyms
we get, and our brain does not accept new knowledge when it is exhausted.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay could be strengthened by adding more specific examples to support your points. This will help to clarify your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has one clear main point and linking it directly to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical structure within your paragraphs. Each idea should flow smoothly into the next, with clear and appropriate linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a good frame for your essay.
task achievement
You identify several potential causes of young people's lack of leisure time, demonstrating an understanding of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: