IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think thi is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #phones #case #thi #development
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The more developed the technology, the more terrible impacts on the
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
 daily lives. Especially, some
children
 spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 using their
smartphones
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the fact that nowadays only learning is significantly popular for several cases
such
 as covid19, military coup and traffic jam. Some parents are not patient enough to be stuck in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic jam when they take their
children
 to school.
Moreover
, they claim that
this
 is one of the ways to waste their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 precious
time
.
Children
 are forced to learn their lessons
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online by their parents because they have no
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to study in the classroom.
Subsequently
, their eyes are always on the screen of their
smartphones
. If there is no physical exercise, it will be
awful
Add an article
the awful
an awful
show examples
 impact on their health. After that,
Children
 cannot have the skills
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
 should have
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skill, the participating in physical activities.
Secondly
,
teenagers
 spend their leisure
time
 using
smartphones
 with their own
chocies
Correct your spelling
choices
. They have been addicted to using
smartphones
 because there are many applications that can attract their attention
such
 as games,
you tube
Correct your spelling
youtube
show examples
,
Change the capitalization
Twitter
show examples
twitter
Correct word choice
and twitter
show examples
.
Although
 playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 all the
time
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 too
monotous
Correct your spelling
monotonous
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play,
teenagers
 are still obsessed with playing
Add an article
the game
a game
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Even though
this
 is the free
time
 that can do other activities
such
 as cycling, swimming and running, they believe that smartphone is the only way to use
free
Add an article
the free
show examples
time
 usefully. In conclusion, from my point of view,
this
 case is obviously
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative development not only in
teenagers
 but
also
 in adults for the reasons that I mentioned above.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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