IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some think that government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#think #government #support #people #care
There has been a controversy about whether the government should
support
 retired
people
 financially. I think it's necessary to
support
 those
people
, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First
, a
pension
system
 can foster the re-productivity of
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 force. Because there is a
pension
system
, the lives of retired
people
 are guaranteed; and young
people
 don't worry about their retired lives.
Therefore
, a normal substitution process is formed; when the early
people
 retire, young
people
 can take over their work. At
this
 point,
such
 a phenomenon is advantageous to the domestic employment structure.
Second
, financial
support
 can bring harmony to our society. As we know, a
pension
system
 can guarantee the basic lives of retired
people
.
Besides
, due to the advent of an ageing population, the number of the aged is rising;
hence
, if the government can take care of those
people
;
in other words
, our society can be more peaceful. It's worth mentioning that a reasonable
pension
system
 is a good sign for the working population as well. They can see their retired
people
 will be treated well.
Third
, financial
support
 is advantageous to the country's economic development. The
pension
system
 in many countries is linked with the workers' working efficiency;
thus
, if you work harder, you can get more pensions when you retire.
Such
 a design stimulates workers' enthusiasm and leads them to work more effectively. As a consequence, the country's economy can be promoted on account of improved working efficiency.
On the other hand
, supporting retired
people
 financially has some drawbacks.
For example
, due to an ageing population around the globe, the number of retired
people
 is rising;
in other words
, the government needs to pay those
people
 a sizeable portion of money annually. As a consequence, it will bring some domestic financial issues and hinders the country's economic development. In conclusion, there are some advantages and disadvantages of supporting retired
people
 financially.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: