IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
People argue that government should spend money
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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slowing down or stopping diseases rather than cure. Prevention is not something new, it has been available
of
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since
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 ancients.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 we have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of emphasis on it. I stand with
this
 argument completely. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will look
how
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at how
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absence
Add an article
the absence
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 of illness efforts good than its treatment.
Firstly
 giving medication
of
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to
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 the people will cost much more. In spite of
that
Add a comma
,that
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 it may not be 100% effective
to
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for
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 the sickness, while some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 may cause thousands of death,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
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 if there
is
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are
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 poor sanitation
water
Correct word choice
and water
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 sources the whole village or city will suffer dysentery, so local authorities should be aware that problem before happening, and solve it. Even when that outbreak
occur
Correct subject-verb agreement
occurs
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 they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend
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tended
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 to
curing
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cure
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 and search
the
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for the
show examples
 source of the infection
instead
 of
management
Replace the word
managing
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 patients only.
In addition
 to vaccination, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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something that children need like
polio
Correct article usage
the polio
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 vaccine will prevent lifelong paralysis; so many kids will survive
for
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apply
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being disabling in that simple step.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 quality control of the food especially exporting ones, need to check before
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 have health benefit as well. At the same time strength of public health workers due to monitoring and evaluation,
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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awareness,
Correct word choice
and trainings
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trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 for the community to avoid health education can take
vital
Add an article
the vital
a vital
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 role
for
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in
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 the prevention. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
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 t
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
 statement entirely, because it is a thing that our community have
being
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been
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 lacking
long
Change the article
a long
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 time, and indeed it is something that leaders must look
and
Change preposition
for and
show examples
 make suitable fund
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
show examples
 and policies. A very popular sentence our teachers taught us in primary school was prevention is better than cure.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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