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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#education #component #school #program
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Have you ever thought of what to do with your first after graduating? In
this
 day and age, there has been a rise in the practice of spending
money
 without planning among youngsters, which has prompted calls for
schools
 to take action to curb the problem. Yet, some argue institutions are not responsible for it. In
this
 essay, I will be evaluating the viewpoints from both sides and make a judgment. To embark upon, financial management should be taught as part of the curriculum. Teenagers tend to spend their pocket
money
 abruptly. One example would be teens nowadays, who tend to follow the latest trends and purchase fashion items without thinking twice,
as a result
, their bank account becomes empty as soon as get their pocket
money
. Moving on, learning financial management is essential as it allows
money
 to be spent appropriately. Classes on how to allocate spending in different categories would help teenagers better plan their savings.
On the other hand
, some argue parents should take the responsibility of teaching their children about finance. Because
Schools
' teaching schedule is jam-packed with numerous subjects, parents should inform youngsters about financial management
instead
.
Nevertheless
, each family's financial status is unique,
hence
 making it hard for
schools
 to teach the students as a whole.
For example
, a student from an affluent family may place different importance on expenditure on transport than a student of a less well-off family, suggesting finance should not be mandatory in
schools
. All in all, after weighing both factors, I reckon financial education should not be mandatory in
schools
 as the
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
 program may create unnecessary stress for teenagers who are already overwhelmed with other subjects.
Submitted by mlukmd809 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, argument development, and conclusion. However, coherence can be improved by ensuring smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas. Consider utilizing linking words and phrases that reflect contrast, cause-effect, and sequence to provide a more cohesive reading experience.
task achievement
You address the task and present arguments for both sides, which is good. Yet, a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction, along with a summary of the arguments presented, would strengthen your position. In your conclusion, ensure you are providing a clear, final stance that reflects on the arguments made within the essay to fully satisfy the task response requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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