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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that to lead a successful life a university degree is important Others believe that this is no longer true nowadays Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #life #university
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The level of
success
 is often measured by a
university
degree
 in a majority of societies. Whilst certain individuals claim that a
university
degree
 bears an absolute importance for people to be successful, others claim the notion that though a
university
degree
 is one of the many ways to succeed in life, current world dynamics offer many other alternatives. It is my contention that prosperity should not be solely linked with education, determinance and discipline all it takes to become a winning person. First and foremost, beginning on the first days of our education, our parents have been insistently pushing us to study so that we become successful individuals in the future. People believe that if they graduate from a
university
 their life will automatically be prosperous without actually implementing what it takes to be one.
For example
, in Asian countries, parents are prioritizing a
university
degree
 over other alternatives
such
 as sports activities and entrepreneurship.
While
 possessing a
degree
 is certainly beneficial for achieving
success
, it is not the determining factor.
On the contrary
 side, in the contemporary world,
success
 is defined by a multitude of factors like wealth and fame.
Furthermore
, if we review the list of most successful people in today's world, a big portion of them are
consisting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
social
media
 stars or athletes. It is worth noting that being a successful social
media
 presenter necessitates a distinguished personality alongside a desirable charisma. social
media
 personalities today are receiving significant attention and
media
 coverage, thereby increasing their
success
 daily, despite many not holding a high school diploma, much less a
university
. A similar scenario unfolds with renowned athletes, who amass millions of followers globally. In conclusion,
although
 earning a
university
degree
 can be advantageous in certain instances, modern measures of
success
 are increasingly linked to distinct characteristics that distinguish individuals from the rest.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Enhance Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
Continue to utilize varied sentence structures and comprehensive vocabulary to strengthen your arguments.
Incorporate Specific Examples
To further improve, consider including more specific examples or statistics to reinforce your arguments, particularly when contrasting perspectives.
Continue Structured Approach
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Keep maintaining this structure in future essays.
Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a strong ability to discuss both views and provide a reasoned opinion, which is crucial for the given task.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done a good job of creating logical coherence throughout your essay, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benchmark
  • evolving landscape
  • credential
  • vocational training
  • entrepreneurship
  • digital literacy
  • autodidact
  • innovative approaches
  • skill set
  • networking
  • lifelong learning
  • meritocracy
  • practical experience
  • self-taught
  • upskilling
  • resilience
  • adaptive learning
  • critical thinking
  • soft skills
  • technological advancements
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