IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The NRA believe more guns make the country safer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

It is often argued that more
weapon
Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
show examples
 make
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 safer. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and think that
guns
Use synonyms
 make
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 more dangerous.
First
Linking Words
 of all, I reckon that the impact of
guns
Use synonyms
 is huge, school
shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
show examples
 and terror acts happen in the countries
such
Linking Words
 as
Usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 very often
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the
weapons
Use synonyms
 can be purchased by 18 years old individuals.
This
Linking Words
 could be prevented by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
Linking Words
nonetheless
Add a comma
,nonetheless
show examples
 constitution of the
Correct your spelling
USA
Usa
Correct your spelling
US
 allows people to buy
weapons
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
guns
Use synonyms
 and knives are available almost in every town in the United States of America.
For instance
Linking Words
, the situation in
recent
Add an article
a recent
the recent
show examples
 primary school shooting that has happened in Texas, 20 people have been killed by
18 year old
Add a hyphen
18-year-old
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 with mental and psychopathic problems,
hence
Linking Words
 18 children under the age of 14
Add a missing verb
have been
show examples
been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 killed.
Correct your spelling
That's
That
That is
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
show examples
 why it is very dangerous and silly to think that
guns
Use synonyms
 make
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 safer.
Secondly
Linking Words
, an excess of
weapons
Use synonyms
 may provide opportunities for felons and criminals to buy
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
 and cheap
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of arsenal.
In other words
Linking Words
, they will be
armored
Change the spelling
armoured
show examples
 like
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
police or army
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble and consequences for society.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 by trying to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 itself, make an
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
show examples
 to destroy itself.
For example
Linking Words
, the situation that
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened in January in Kazakhstan demonstrated that felons and terrorists can cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble to
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 by stealing
guns
Use synonyms
 from gunshops and
weaponmarkets
Correct your spelling
weapon markets
weapons markets
.
Thus
Linking Words
, even if governments around the world will produce
weapons
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to be in
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
regular
Add an article
the regular
show examples
 army or police not in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 use. To sum up, I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that more
guns
Use synonyms
 make
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 not a safe place,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 it provides with
weapons
Use synonyms
 felons and terrorists and because of
this
Linking Words
 school shootings and terrors happen in the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: