IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should establish free libraries in each town. Others, however, believe that it is a waste of money since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #government #libraries #town #waste #money #internet #home #information
It is often argued that the government should invest in free
libraries
 in every town, while others contend that it is a waste
a waste
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
of money as
people
 could gain knowledge online from the comfort of home. In my point of view, I think
libraries
 are still important to be
bulit
Correct your spelling
built
although
people
 could have free access to a range of
information
 online. On the one hand, it is commonly considered that
libraries
 are the best place for study.
This
 is because there are no loud noises and a plethora of
books
 in the
libraries
, which creates a quiet place for
people
 to concentrate
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
without any disruption.If
people
 study online at home, there are lots of
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
such
 as the noises from the neighbours, the games console, the TV and so online, which all could have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adverse impact on the level of obtaining the knowledge.
On the other hand
, the
information
 on the internet may be extensive but limited in depth. A key reason for
this
 is that anyone or any company could publish
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 without
controlled
Add a missing verb
being controlled
show examples
 by authorities,while
books
 have a strict approval system.
This
 could lead to a huge amount of time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
searching for the correct answers, which may hamper
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and cause frustration.
For instance
,
information
 about history is better to be learned from
books
 because the stories online might cause the readers to question
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 authenticity,
however
, the
books
 could spare
people
 from
this
. In conclusion, I believe that the government still should spend money on the
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
 of
libraries
 whereas there is
information
 online for
people
 to acquire.
Submitted by jessegush on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: