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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
​Sometimes, it is said that sharing as much data as possible in the field of scientific research, business and academy is beneficial.
However
, other
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that some
information
 should be kept secret. Personally, I believe some of the
information
 needs to be secretive in order to protect
some
Change preposition
against some
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 unpleasant issues. ​On the one hand, many
people
 like exchanging
information
 to help the
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 regardless of their backgrounds, whether rich or poor broaden
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge and change their perspectives on their respective fields. Meaning that gathering
information
 as much as they can
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
help them gain a good value of knowledge for the development of the society.
For example
, the outbreak of the virus, Covid-19 made a huge impact around the world. Every part of the earth, countries sharing as much data as they knew played an important role in letting
people
 know what the consequences would be and how they could prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. ​
On the other hand
, some
people
 like to keep valuable
information
 unknown so that unnecessary damages will not occur in technology trading.
For example
, some application developers made premium versions to protect their private
information
 to be exposed
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outsiders. Not only in these technology fields,
some data
Add the word(s)
but some data also
show examples
 should not be in the public’s
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
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 to prevent citizens from being over panic and protesting unimportant
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
.
Thus
, they like to keep
information
 away from the
people
. ​In conclusion,
although
 everyone has their own opinions on
this
, I personally think that trading
information
 for unnecessary purposes may just lead to unwanted and unrepairable damages to our own
people
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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