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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opmion

#people #attention #opmion
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It is strongly believed that advertising persuades us to
urchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 items.
However
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, others agree that merchandising has lost its popularity and that nowadays people no longer focus on it. In my personal opinion,
while
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 both sides have some form of truth,
advertisiments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 still have an essential role in the decision-making before any acquisition is made. In the following essay, these ideas will be discussed. Up to date, marketing has become a master key piece to make your brand
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
.
This
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 could be the result of the impact that social media has started having on our daily lives in the past few years. One clear example of
this
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 was in 2019 when COVID-19 obligated us to make adaptations in our lifestyle, and these include advertising.
In addition
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, different brands around the world started to invest much more in their market image to boost their sales. If we have a deeper insight into the latter statement, we can understand that globalization is all about merchandising.
On the other hand
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, people are starting to be careless of material things which leads to ignoring all the visual contamination around them, namely 'advertisements'. As an example, London can be mentioned to be a big city with informative posters everywhere you step in. The latter has created discomfort among the habitants and they have decided to ignore it because there is nothing to be done.
Furthermore
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, bigger brands are starting to get worried about how to maintain their popularity if is not through merchandising.
To sum up
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, it can be concluded that
although
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 advertising is essential,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
it this
show examples
 started to lose popularity in some parts of the population. I could not agree more that merchandise is an important part of the success of a brand but is going to completely depend on the public they want to engage. Despite the fact that some have lost interest in the mentioned, I strongly believe that there is a majority
that is
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 still persuaded through
this
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 to make a purchase.
Submitted by amrp17 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to clearly present transition phrases between paragraphs or ideas. This helps in smoothly guiding the reader from one point to another. Currently, there are some abrupt shifts that can be better connected.
Task Achievement
For higher task achievement, providing more specific and varied examples would strengthen your argument. In addition, expanding on opposing views with more depth would demonstrate a thorough understanding and balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion could be enhanced by succinctly summarizing key points from both perspectives before offering your final opinion. This ensures a more rounded and compelling closure.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay topic effectively. It establishes your stance while introducing the main points that will be discussed.
Supported Main Points
You've provided relevant examples, especially the impact of COVID-19 on advertising, which supports your argument well.
Logical Structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, systematically presenting points from both perspectives and culminating in your personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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