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Band 6

Some people think that work is the most important thing in a person's life. Without the success of a career, life becomes meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #person #life #success #career
Many people believe that accomplishments at a job are vital to derive greater satisfaction out of
life
. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 becomes worthless without success in a job because success motivates
one
 to devote himself more towards duties at work,
gives
Correct word choice
and gives
show examples
 more power and money thereby allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 secure a better
future
.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional achievement is vital in
life
 as it assists in fulfilling the self-actualization needs,
In other words
, the more the achievement, the more is the self-respect! Challenges tackled and resolved gives more self-confidence thereby leading to
further
 progress. And as
one
 leads
further
 with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding and self-belief
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the project, the capability of shaping the desired outcomes is enhanced. That's where the victory of a task at employment lies!
Secondly
, and admittedly, occupational accomplishments result in monetary gains at work. Everyone desires more comfort and convenience in
life
 and
that is
 achievable with the help of earnings.
Therefore
,
one
 can actually follow a better lifestyle. That
also
 includes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 securing a better
future
 not only by saving more income but
also
 by being a lighthouse for
one
's own children's education and
future
. Ultimately,
one
 can have a peaceful retirement with a more contented
life
. To conclude, it is not wrong to say that
life
 is perceived as more contented by many people when they achieve milestones in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
One
 can see many intangible benefits;
such
 as increased
Correct your spelling
self-pride
show examples
self- pride
Correct your spelling
self-pride
show examples
, better living conditions due to the plight of money flow and a protected
future
; that has resulted in feeling satisfied with
life
. And
this
 is the outcome of success at employment.
Submitted by mamta2310 on

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