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Band 5

Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sport #facilities #gyms #people
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
 a good habit of doing
sports
 in daily life is one of
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 factors to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 body. Nowadays, more and more
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely to stay at home rather than spent time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
sports
. As far as I am concerned, there are several reasons that lead
people
get
Add the particle
to get
show examples
 rid of training, and it is necessary to deal with
this
 problem
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 some solutions. With the rapid development of technology,
people
 become lazier to do lots of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 in their life. In the past, teenagers can only play electronic games on
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, and it is more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 for them to enjoy games on smartphones recently.
Although
 those children decided to go outdoor,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 willingness to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games
instead
 of playing basketball. Another reason is that
people
 have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 degree of
depends
Replace the word
dependence
show examples
 on high technology devices to control their weight and health. Transfer from active activities to passive way like some
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities that can make some
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 to human’s body which give
people
 different viewpoint about
sports
. Those situations
such
 as wrong perspectives and
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 that should
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
. Regular exercise and limited time on
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 are
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
habit
Change the noun form
habits
show examples
 for
people
 to have. Parents should notice
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children’s daily routine, which
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to have a healthy schedule
Correct pronoun usage
that include
show examples
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 different kinds of outdoor activities.
However
,
people
 should think about technology can help our lives but cannot provide appropriate exercise without
people
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
 in person. In conclusion, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 exercise
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 fewer than before. While I think there comes
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some specific causes
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to
this
 problem,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to get rid of
this
 bad habit.
Submitted by patrick880613 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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