IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What is taught in schools is not useful, as to what is learned outside the school, your opinion?

#schools #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, many people assert that the
schools
Use synonyms
 are not providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful education to the
children
Use synonyms
. Other people have conflicting views. In my opinion, school course outlines are
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 and can not fit in the modern era of
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
system
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss both views before reaching a valid conclusion. There are multifarious points to endorsing the former view.
The
Correct article usage
First
show examples
first
Linking Words
 and foremost, school education is not sufficient to make the
children
Use synonyms
 aware of different issues and important aspects of life. To demonstrate, kids are unaware of how to manage money. Recent studies have shown that the
schools
Use synonyms
 measure
performance
Add an article
the performance
show examples
 of students by
grading
Correct article usage
a grading
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 which is old and cannot fit in the new
world
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 type of
system
Use synonyms
 cannot improve the overall performance and personality of students since they don't tell about what is lacking.
As a result
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 are introduced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical life after graduation, they face lots of problems. What is more, courses and subjects which are part of academics are
noway
Correct your spelling
no way
show examples
 close to the real
world
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, in
schools
Use synonyms
 students are taught only theories which lack practical experience and exposure
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the real
world
Use synonyms
. Data scientist and researchers have done research on the current academic
system
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and concluded the courses are
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 and
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 new
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 for the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and empowerment of younger ones.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great concern for new graduates to obtain good a job for themselves.
On the Contrary
Linking Words
,
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 wind is
also
Linking Words
 there. To commence with, some people think that the
schools
Use synonyms
 are still
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 integral part of the formative years of kids. For an instance,
children
Use synonyms
 who attend
schools
Use synonyms
 have high moral values, respect and
knowledge
Use synonyms
 to deal with the
world
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it makes our little ones punctual, obedient and well-mannered.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 attending
schools
Use synonyms
 have
knowledge
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to behave in different aspects of life. To recapitulate,
undienably
Correct your spelling
undeniably
,
schools
Use synonyms
 have few positive outcomes.
However
Linking Words
, I still believe that the course
structures
Fix the agreement mistake
structure
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not up-to-date to match the new
world
Use synonyms
 which requires effort to make it
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
 for the
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ehunt2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: