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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give more option.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #interest #option
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Adolescence education appears to make a polemic discussion these days. There are several opinions on how
students
Use synonyms
 should master school
subjects
Use synonyms
. Many agree the importance of all
fields
Use synonyms
 to be mastered by teenagers,
while
Linking Words
 others believe only those who take the biggest interest should be concentrated by the pupils. I believe focusing on only a specific amount of
subjects
Use synonyms
 can give greater benefits for
both
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in the present and future time. It is understandable that some people think all
subjects
Use synonyms
 are crucial to learn.
This
Linking Words
 point reflected the fact that all
subjects
Use synonyms
 matter,
thus
Linking Words
, mastering every single one of them counts as a respect we pay to the founding fathers of sciences.
For example
Linking Words
, Indonesian schools tend to have a low tolerance attitude towards
students
Use synonyms
 with bad scores in either physics or geography, even though these two
subjects
Use synonyms
 are
in contrast
Linking Words
 to each other, the teachers expect them to maximize in
both
Use synonyms
 worlds.
This
Linking Words
 attitude comes often from the idea that all
subjects
Use synonyms
 need to be learned equally.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, minimizing the scope of
subjects
Use synonyms
 may benefit future science development. The human brain, especially young adults, has a limited capacity that plays a big role in giving and taking information. Narrowing the
subjects
Use synonyms
 by selecting those with the highest interest and pupils' capability may seem to be the effective way to reach
further
Linking Words
 advances in various
fields
Use synonyms
 of science.
For instance
Linking Words
, assigning some kids to specifically focus on robotics and engineering can be an investment in future mechanical engineering business by creating a good quality of human resources in
this
Linking Words
 particular field.
This
Linking Words
 method helps to increase the level of productivity in many sectors.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 views reflect valid arguments. On one, challenging
students
Use synonyms
 with the urgency to conquer all
subjects
Use synonyms
 is a form of respect for the beauty of sciences,
while
Linking Words
 making pupils only master some
fields
Use synonyms
 embrace an effective way to push the level of research and development in varied
fields
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with the one with a larger view of benefits. Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school
subjects
Use synonyms
. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most
interest
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
. Discuss
both
Use synonyms
 sides and give more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
.
Submitted by hunnyfieddd on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the question, providing balanced coverage of both sides of the argument and developing your ideas with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas more effectively, using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly separate your points and lead the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more detailed and relevant examples to support your main points, ensuring that these examples are directly linked to the points being made and contribute to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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