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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #challenges #life
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Children
Use synonyms
's upbringing has been the subject of debate in cultural diversity. While I personally believe it depends on different training families that affect growing
children
Use synonyms
 and how their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 shape up. On the one hand, many commentators are of the view that there are some advantages to growing up our progeny under our rules. From their point of view, by
this
Linking Words
 path, they get familiar with our terms and conditions. when they face some difficulties, can across from them and be successful. So they would be a risk-taker person.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 you are entrancing to university, so you are
newcomer
Add an article
a newcomer
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 situation. Despite having
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
problems
Change preposition
of problems
show examples
, they would be acceptable because of the finest upbringing that you have had before. It is
also
Linking Words
 maintained that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they will change
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a strong person who can stand on their own feet and individual person.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are those who subscribe to the view that
children
Use synonyms
 who are controlled by
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 not be successful in the contemporary world. they argue that their self-confidence has been gotten by
this
Linking Words
 method.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 cruel
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 nobody pay attention to each other. So, You can not do any task lonely because your self-esteem had been missed. It is
also
Linking Words
 believed that
Correct your spelling
children
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 path, will
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 as a co-operate for stakeholders and do not have their own job or corporation. To sum up, I would argue that we should go ahead with
appropriate
Add an article
the appropriate
an appropriate
show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 in line with
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 education so that we will be seen a sense of pride in our Kidman's faces. We can build our
behavior's
Change the spelling
behaviour's
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 will build our culture and our country.
Submitted by design.graphist on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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