IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
I disagree with it, but I can tell, you how to solve
this
 problem. Let's start with the fact that almost every
food
 we eat contains
sugar
. In some products, it is less than in others.
Firstly
, there are lots of
sugar
 in fast
food
. Sweet drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, and muesli, of it, contain
sugar
. Everything that
people
 make in factories, with
sugar
. It is happening because they want their product to taste richer. Even most bottled water contains
sugar
 and a bunch of other additives.
This
 is done so that
people
 are more and more willing to buy water from
this
 particular company. Only natural
food
 has no
sugar
. Because
people
 get it from the environment. Meet and milk, they get from the cattle. Products that contain milk, do on their own. Vegetables and fruits they planted and grown in their gardens. Because of
this
, they do not have problems with their health. If
people
 do not want to have problems with their strengths, they need to eat healthy
food
 and have more sport in their life. Yes, it will be more expensive, to eat healthily, but it will be more effective than eating lots of sweets and burgers. To summarize, shops do not have to make products that contain
sugar
 more expensive, because it will not help. Every time,
people
 will choose expensive sweets that are tastier, than expensive vegetables.
People
 should advertise healthy
food
 themselves, and
then
 the rest will
also
 prefer junk
food
, healthy
food
.
Submitted by tytoracia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: