The personal information of many individual is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disavantages?
With the development
=
Change preposition
of =
explosion
of Correct word choice
and explosion
information
technology, connecting and sharing information
has become much easier and more convenient. However
, this
is also
beneficial
condition for many Add an article
a beneficial
the beneficial
people
to take advantage of the lack of vigilance and loopholes of internet users
to steal personal information
for illegal activities. From my point of view, this
advantage of Correct determiner usage
the
this
trend are
stronger than = outweigh = are more glaring than its convenience.
There is no denying that there are some benefits of recording the user’s Change the verb form
is
information
. These companies themselves would argue that their purposes are to provide better service for their customers. This
related
Add a missing verb
is related
first
to Add an article
an advertisement
the advertisement
advertisement
on social media. Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
For example
, Facebook has a function to track user’s
search categories and Fix the agreement mistake
users’
then
allows advertisers to target customer
in order to show them suitable = Fix the agreement mistake
customers
appropriate
advertising. Correct word choice
and appropriate
Therefore
, individuals can see ads related to the kind of restaurants and clothes they like. This
utility is advantegous
to Correct your spelling
advantageous
client
to a certain extent.
Add an article
the client
a client
However
, this
trend can cause the acquisition of private information
stolen through social networks. As a matter of fact, People
using the internet, have no a
sense of privacy protection, especially individual Correct article usage
apply
information
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
make
them face up with the risk of having stolen privacy Change the verb form
makes
data
. As an illustration, in our current society, there are a
huge Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
numbers
of Fix the agreement mistake
number
users
downloading and installing some applications such
as Bluezone, PC –covid, and so on so as to create a private QR code that
is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
passport
. From the QR code, it is easy to know who that person was, Add an article
a passport
phone
number, Correct pronoun usage
their phone
his phone
her phone
Correct word choice
and identify
identify
card number Replace the word
identity
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
make
Change the verb form
makes
users
get big
trouble because of spam and promotional messages. Even, online Change preposition
into big
scrammers
have used real photos of Correct your spelling
scammers
users
to create fake
Add an article
a fake
account
, scam their friends and relatives, Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
theaten
to blackmail, kidnap or trick Correct your spelling
threaten
users
into Correct your spelling
transferring
tranfering
money to Correct your spelling
transferring
account’s
crime . Correct article usage
an account’s
Therefore
, although
big
tech industry Correct article usage
the big
try
to keep their Change the verb form
tries
data
in safety, they used to lose their data
to others. The vast majority of victim
especially elder Fix the agreement mistake
victims
people
lose their property because of losing
Replace the word
loss
of
their Change preposition
apply
information
. Moreover
, people
are worried about the way how these companies are using their personal data
. Because they feel to lost control their
own Change preposition
of their
information
, and their activities are being monitored online and offline.
In conclusion, losing personal details is very serious. Therefore
, companies and organisations should make more safety systems to save their customer's data
safety.Submitted by phuongthao.3822 on
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Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.