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Writing Samples
Band 6

The personal information of many individual is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disavantages?

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Introduction
With the development
=
Change preposition
of =
show examples
explosion
Correct word choice
and explosion
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 of
information
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 technology, connecting and sharing
information
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 has become much easier and more convenient.
However
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,
this
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 is
also
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beneficial
Add an article
a beneficial
the beneficial
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 condition for many
people
Use synonyms
 to take advantage of the lack of vigilance and loopholes of internet
users
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 to steal personal
information
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 for illegal activities. From my point of view,
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantage of
this
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 trend
are
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is
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 stronger than = outweigh = are more glaring than its convenience.
Body paragraph 1
There is no denying that there are some benefits of recording the user’s
information
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. These companies themselves would argue that their purposes are to provide better service for their customers.
This
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related
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is related
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first
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 to
Add an article
an advertisement
the advertisement
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advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 on social media.
For example
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, Facebook has a function to track
user’s
Fix the agreement mistake
users’
show examples
 search categories and
then
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 allows advertisers to target
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 in order to show them suitable =
appropriate
Correct word choice
and appropriate
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 advertising.
Therefore
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, individuals can see ads related to the kind of restaurants and clothes they like.
This
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 utility is
advantegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 to
client
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the client
a client
show examples
 to a certain extent.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
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 trend can cause the acquisition of private
information
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 stolen through social networks. As a matter of fact,
People
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 using the internet, have no
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sense of privacy protection, especially individual
information
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
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makes
show examples
 them face up with the risk of having stolen privacy
data
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. As an illustration, in our current society, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
huge
numbers
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number
show examples
 of
users
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 downloading and installing some applications
such
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 as Bluezone, PC –covid, and so on so as to create a private QR code
that
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is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
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passport
Add an article
a passport
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 . From the QR code, it is easy to know who that person was,
phone
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
his phone
her phone
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 number,
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and identify
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identify
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identity
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 card number
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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users
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 get
big
Change preposition
into big
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 trouble because of spam and promotional messages. Even, online
scrammers
Correct your spelling
scammers
 have used real photos of
users
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 to create
fake
Add an article
a fake
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account
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accounts
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, scam their friends and relatives,
theaten
Correct your spelling
threaten
 to blackmail, kidnap or trick
users
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 into
Correct your spelling
transferring
tranfering
Correct your spelling
transferring
 money to
account’s
Correct article usage
an account’s
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 crime .
Therefore
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,
although
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big
Correct article usage
the big
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 tech industry
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to keep their
data
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 in safety, they used to lose their
data
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 to others. The vast majority of
victim
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victims
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 especially elder
people
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 lose their property because of
losing
Replace the word
loss
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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their
information
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 are worried about the way how these companies are using their personal
data
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. Because they feel to lost control
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 own
information
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, and their activities are being monitored online and offline.
Conclusion
In conclusion, losing personal details is very serious.
Therefore
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, companies and organisations should make more safety systems to save their customer's
data
Use synonyms
 safety.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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