IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have heard that there is a part-time job available in a nearby shop. Write a letter to the shop's manager, applying for the job. specify what job you are applying for write about your experience and skills and why you should get an interview ask about the hours required for the job and give your preferred hours You should write at least 150 words.

#job #shop #manager #skills #interview #hours
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Dear sir, I am writing
this
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 letter with regard to applying for a cashier position at your retail store.
To begin
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 with, my name is Parth Parmar and I am an international student in Canada, who is actively looking for employment.
Furthermore
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, I have experience
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working as a cashier boy in my home country,
apart from
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this
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 I did two weeks of a replacement job on behalf of my friend, so I am aware of the general guidelines about
this
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 occupation.
Lastly
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,I don't have only work-related experience but
also
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 have some soft skills,
such
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 as communication and problem-solving skills, which make my chances more suitable for the position of cashier.
In addition
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, I would like to inquire about the availability you require for
this
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 job .
However
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, I am ready to work from Monday to Thursday at any time because luckily I have classes on weekends. I look forward to hearing your response. Yours sincerely Parthkumar Parmar
Submitted by pp6859 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task response, be more specific about your skills and experience. Mention what specifically makes you a strong candidate for the cashier position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a variety of sentence structures and transition words to improve flow and coherence.
Task Achievement
To clarify the hours of availability, consider rephrasing to directly state your preferred working hours instead of indicating your class schedule.
Coherence & Cohesion
Well-structured letter, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Appropriate tone for a formal letter, polite and to the point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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