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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

what are the main problems associated with using social media plateforms ? What are the most serious problems associated with the it and what solutions can you suggest?

Increasingly more people make
use
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 of social
media
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 sites nowadays.
This
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 essay will explore the problems associated with an excessive
use
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 of
this
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 current mode of communication and will propose some potential solutions. The frequent
use
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 of social
media
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 platforms,
such
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 as Instagram or Facebook, is closely linked to personal and work-related problems.
Firstly
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,
while
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 we are spending
time
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 on our
phones
Punctuation problem
phones,
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 we are missing the opportunity to be with our relatives and develop meaningful relationships.
That is
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 to say, human beings need real interactions in order not to suffer from depression or any other mental health issues.
Secondly
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, being addicted to your phone might create conflicts at work since employees expect their employers to be focused on their assigned tasks. Being distracted by social
media
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 can dramatically reduce our productivity. A range of strategies could be used to mitigate the mentioned problems.
To begin
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 with, we could do sports that force us to be in contact with others. By socialising in the real world, we might notice the benefits of actual relationships and reduce the
time
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 we waste on our phones.
This
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 could definitely help us to spend more
time
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 with friends and family.
Additionally
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, we could limit the amount of
time
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 we
use
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 our devices at work.
For example
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, there are apps that monitor the
time
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 spent on social
media
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, or we could simply ask a colleague to hide our phone until the end of our working day. No distractions will guarantee a much more productive day. In conclusion, using social
media
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 sites too much can,
with
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without
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no
Correct determiner usage
a
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 doubt, have a negative impact on both our private and professional lives.
However
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, certain group activities can help us forget about our computers or phones for a period of
time
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, and we can establish our limits as well. I wish individuals would monitor the number of hours they spend on social
media
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 and engage in more fulfilling projects.

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organisation
Add a clear main idea in each paragraph and use a strong topic sentence to guide the reader.
content
Give more specific examples or facts to back up points, not just general ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly, so the text flows from one idea to the next.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion that frame the topic.
content
It shows problems and solutions in a logical order.
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